Joel? Have I got some advice for you!

I'm continually overcome with the sheer brilliance and intellectual panache displayed by Greg (Jerusalem Prize) Sheridan. The Australian's Foreign Editor is a man whose mind truly manages to encompass both Rome and Jerusalem.

In A quiet word in your shell-like, ministers (1/3/08), he has some sage advice for Foreign Minister, Stephen Smith, and Defence Minister, Joel Fitzgibbon:-

First off, he advises Smith to appoint a full-time ambassador to the Vatican because it is "a unique centre of information and influence and, indeed, moral authority." Way to go, Greg!

But take a look at the hardcore stuff he's got for Fitzgibbon: Fitz "should upgrade Australia's defence and military relationship with Israel," by having "a strategic dialogue" with it. This is because "Israel has magnificent analysts of, and unique intelligence on, all aspects of the Middle East, not least Iran." But there's more: "Israelis at many levels don't fully appreciate what Australia has to offer them, both in Asia where they are successfully seeking much wider and deeper relations, but also even in Iran, where Americans up to the President often want to talk to the Australian ambassador in Tehran. Australia has an embassy in Iran; neither Israel nor the US does."

What did you say? If the Israelis have such "unique intelligence...on Iran," then why do they need Australia's help there? And if "they are successfully seeking...wider and deeper relations" in Asia, why do they need our help there too? No need to be such a wet blanket, my friend, just put these trifling contradictions down to the fact that, whenever the subject of Israel arises, Greg gets...a little carried away. It's what's in it for us that counts.

Now I just love the idea of Australia acting in Iran as the eyes and ears of the very two nations which can't wait to put the boot into it, don't you? Not only does our PM get to play sheriff and haul its president off to The Hague, but we get to do our bit in the lead up to the Big Biff!

"Similarly, we could exchange with the Israelis perspectives on managing an alliance with the US, Islamist terror and much else."

Simply brilliant! The Israelis could teach us how to get the US to roll over so we can tickle its tummy just like they do, by maybe setting up an American-Australian Public Affairs Committee (AAPAC).

"We should also exchange military officers at each others' staff colleges...These exchanges would be good for our staff colleges because we would get excellent Israeli officers."

There is truly no end to the man's intellect. These officers could teach Australian troops such valuable military skills as: exposing backsides and sexual organs to inferior brown races under occupation; branding their young boys on the face with an electric heater; beating them senseless; and (a great technique for overcoming boredom in the ranks) choking them just to see how long they can survive without breathing. (See the Haaretz editorial, Something bad is happening to us, 25/2/08)

But, best of all, "[T]hese initiatives...would be immensely popular with important Australian constituencies." Everyone's a winner, baby.

Now, let us hope that Fitz will rise to the occasion - just as Greg does whenever he thinks of Israel.

Postscript: Next day (2/3/08), however, in the Sunday Telegraph (Style beats substance), while dismissing Barack Obama as a celebrity candidate, Greg's usual superb mastery of the facts failed him: "I rather fear we're seeing the infantilisation of American politics, " he lamented. "It is common in the Philippines for movie stars and political leaders' wives, sons and daughters to run for president on the basis of their relationships. It hasn't really been common in America before." After first explaining away Ronald Reagan, he runs into that thickest of brick walls, George W Bush, but fails to climb over it with this: "GW Bush undoubtedly got a huge boost from being a president's son. But he had been a two-term successful governor of...Texas, before he ran for president." Whoops! Check this out: "[Bush's] business experience was a tragic record of one failure after another, from which he had to be rescued at each bad turn by increasingly substantial infusions of cash from increasingly dubious domestic and foreign 'friends' of his politically powerful father. He had attained the governorship by fronting a campaign that raised heaping piles of special-interest money and spent it to trash the reputation of an abler and more honorable foe. He then proceeded to create a fiscal crisis so overwhelming that when asked about his state's looming deficit during the 2000 campaign, Bush admitted, 'I hope I'm not around to deal with it'." The Rise and Rise of Richard B Cheney, John Nichols (2004) pp 166-167

Oh well, even a master can sometimes get it wrong.