Paul Sheehan's Jumbo Dump

Twice-rambammed (2007 & 2008) Sydney Morning Herald calumnist Paul Sheehan struggled into a sitting position, his bed still wreathed in last night's mephitic odours. Bubble and squeak be buggered, the night was more your shock and awe.

Inevitably, for the flatulence was not yet over, a 'thought' bubble began to wend its way to the surface of his mind: "The Greens are a fraudulent brand. There are not enough letters of the alphabet to encompass the image fraud this party is perpetrating on the electorate. It is simply not a party preoccupied with the environment." (Green by name, flaky by nature, 29/11/10)

A counter-thought, that this was about as original as arguing that the Labor Party is simply not a party preoccupied with the interests of workers, never occurred.

Before long Sheehan had emitted a string of anti-Green smears and jibes, one for each letter of the alphabet and all complete fizzers*, in a heavily stained and malodorous notebook he kept by the bed for nocturnal relief.

All except 'Z' had popped out effortlessly. 'Z' was a bit of a strain to say the least. Then, to tweak the words of the bumper sticker, shit happened - literally!

Beginning as a rather painful series of rumbles deep in the bowels of his consciousness, 'Z' finally propelled him through the door to the en suite and onto the porcelain throne therein, before emerging in one almighty clap of thunder and lashing its sides with steaming gobbets of melting chocolate: "Z: Zionism. Loathing Israel is an article of faith for the hard left. Thus Lee Rhiannon joined Sheikh Hilaly, a group of men shouting jihadist slogans, and a CFMEU contingent, at an anti-Israel rally in Sydney after the attack on a flotilla heading for Gaza this year." (ibid)

What a relief, thought Sheehan, yet another calumn below the belt!

[*"O: OBAMA. Oppose Building Any Manufacturing Anywhere."]