File Under: Israel Lobby? What Israel Lobby?

Mark Twain once noted that "If we would learn what the human race really is at bottom, we need only observe it in election times." And at another time, that "... policemen and politicians... are the dust-licking pimps and slaves of the scum... in America."

Now if we combine, tweak and update the two, we get something like this: 'American politicians are the arse-licking pimps and slaves of AIPAC scum and this is nowhere more apparent than at election time' - an apt introduction to the following compilation of clueless kowtowings and gibbering genuflections to the Israel lobby by the current crop of Republican reptiles. Warning: Scream quietly or the neighbours will hear you:

Rick Perry: Listen Wolf, if Israel built a settlement up your bum it'd be legal, OK?

Wolf Blitzer: Since '67, every US president, Democrat and Republican, have called Israeli settlement activity in the occupied territories, in the West Bank, illegal under international law. Would you continue that policy?
Rick Perry: Are you talking about Israeli settlements?
B: Yes.
P: ... No I wouldn't. I consider the Israeli settlements to be legal, from my perspective, and I support them.
B: Even if they're in the West Bank?
P: Where there is arrangements that have been made, where the Israelis are clearly on Israel's land that they have hard fought to win and to keep, absolutely.
B: But this is seen by the State Department as occupied Palestinian territory.
P: I don't always agree with the State Department. I think our State Department from time to time gets it wrong. I happen to believe that Israel spends way too much time defending itself from people who want to do terrorist acts against them, whether it's Palestinians, whether it's Hezbollah, whether it's Hamas, and the US needs to be standing with Israel, strongly standing with 'em and supporting...
B: Would you move the US Embassy from Tel Aviv to Jerusalem?
P: Absolutely.
B: When?
P: As soon as I could. I would clearly say, 'If you want to work for the State Department of the United States, you need to be packing your bags and moving to Jerusalem as soon as you can'.
B: Would you fear negative reaction from the...
P: No, listen. How many other countries do we have our embassy not in the capital of the... the country, in..?
B: We're going back to '48 when Israel was established. No American president has recognised Jerusalem as being the capital of Israel.
P: There may not have been a president of the United States who feels as strongly about Israel as I do.
B: Well, Ronald Reagan didn't feel strongly about Israel?
P: Obviously, not as I do... I'm not saying...
B: GW Bush or GHW Bush?
P: Not as strong as I do.
B: So you would move it right away?
P: I would move it, yes sir.

Michele Bachmann: Israel is my shepherd, I shall not want. He maketh me to lie down in green pastures... Oh... oh... OH!... Yesss!

"Most Americans recognise that Israelis and Americans are two sides of the same coin because we share the same values and the same aspirations. We even share the same exceptional mission: to be the light to the nations. After all, the image of America as the shining city on the hill is taken from the Book of Isiah. I was raised in a home full of love for Israel. We learned that our Christian faith is rooted in Judaism. Without the laws of Moses, without the temple in Jerusalem, there would have been no Sermon on the Mount. It was this love and appreciation for Israel and the Jewish faith that brought me to Israel in the summer of 1974 to volunteer at a kibbutz... and it was during my time at the kibbutz... that I came to understand that Israel is not merely the cradle of my faith, it's the greatest strategic asset that the US has in the region and I realise that the forces of terror, mayhem and hatred that Israel needs to keep at bay are the same forces that threaten Americans..." (Update from Congresswoman Michele Bachmann on Israel, youtube.com, 10/6/11)

"It's over 800 billion dollars that we have expended [in Iraq]. I believe that Iraq should pay us back for the money that we spent, and I believe that Iraq should pay the families that lost a loved one several million dollars per life, I think at a minimum." (Bachmann wants Iraqis to pay 'several million dollars per life' for every American who died in Iraq, Ian Millhiser, thinkprogress.org, 13/12/11)

Newt Gingrich: Can you believe it? Those Palestinians, who don't exist BTW, refuse to recognise Israel's existence!

"I see myself as being in many ways pretty close to Bibi Netanyahu's thinking about the dangers of the world. I believe in a tough realism. I believe if somebody is firing rockets at you, they're probably not engaged in a peace process. I believe if somebody goes around saying you don't exist, they're probably not preparing for peace." (The Jewish Channel exclusive interview with GOP representative & former speaker of the House Newt Gingrich, 9/12/11)

"Remember there was no Palestine as a state. It was part of the Ottoman Empire. I think we have an invented Palestinian people who are in fact Arabs and historically part of the Arab community and they had the chance to go many places." (ibid)

Mitt Romney: OMG! Obummer told Bibi what to do! I can't believe he actually said that. No one, but no one tells Bibi what to do, OK?

Interviewer: You said that the President threw Israel under the bus when he said that Israel should go back to the '67 borders... explain what you meant.
Romney: I think it's pretty clear that when Bibi Netanyahu got here that something very dramatic had happened and that the President, by insisting on the '67 borders, laid out what a bargaining position might be that perhaps the Israelis might take the lead on, not America. You don't tell your ally how you would settle a dispute between them and another people. You stand by your ally, you link arms with your ally. Israel is one of our best allies in the Middle East - the best ally in the Middle East. We don't dictate to Israel what the terms of their agreement ought to be." (Mitt Romney interview 'Obama threw Israel under the bus', youtube.com, 3/6/11)

"I've known Bibi Netanyahu for a long time. We worked together at Boston Consulting Group and... would get on the phone to my friend Bibi Netanyahu and say, 'Would it help if I said [the Palestinians are an 'invented people']? What would you like me to do? Let's work together because we're partners." (Mitt Romney goes after Newt Gingrich on Israel, abcnews.go.com, 10/12/11)