Thursday, October 25, 2012

Official: Planet America Revolves Around Israel

Scientifically speaking, we live in a post-Copernican era. That is, we acknowledge that Planet Earth revolves around the Sun.

However, where US foreign policy is concerned, we live in a pre-Copernican era. That is we still think that Planet Israel revolves around America.

Not so! It's actually the other way around: Planet America revolves around Israel.

Still not persuaded?

Here are the relevant clinchers (and a few other gems I took a shine to) from the third foreign policy debate between Barack (Israel is a true friend) Obama and Mitt (We have Israel's back) Romney:

MR: "[T]he greatest threat of all is Iran..."

Channelling Bibi.

MR: "My strategy is pretty straightforward, which is to go after the bad guys..."

Not to mention the Lone Ranger.

MR: "Russia... is a geopolitical foe... [it] does continue to battle us in the UN time and time again."

How dare the Russians disagree with us!

BO: "[We've got to] make sure that [Middle East] countries are supporting our counterterrorism efforts... make sure that they are standing by our interests in Israel's security, because it is a true friend and our greatest ally in the region."

The Arabs must stand by our interests in Israel's security? Sort of love me, love my dog.

BO: "And so everything we're doing, we're doing in consultation with our partners in the region, including Israel which obviously has a huge interest in seeing what happens in Syria..."

In consultation? Don't bullshit us, Barry, you're just following orders.

MR: "Syria is Iran's only ally in the Arab world. It's their route to the sea. It's the route for them to arm Hezbollah in Lebanon, which threatens, of course, our ally, Israel. And so seeing Syria remove Assad is a very high priority for us."

I can't find Iran on a map of the Middle East but, hey, anything for Israel, OK?

MR: "We need to make sure as well that we coordinate this effort with our allies, and particularly with - with Israel."

We coordinate? Don't bullshit us, Mitt, you're just following orders.

BO: "And we are making sure that those we help are those who will be friends of ours in the long term and friends of our allies in the region over the long term."

Listen up, Ay-rabs: Israel... what's not to love?

BO: "They have to abide by their treaty with Israel. This is a red line with us, because not only is Israel's security at stake, but our security is at stake if that unravels."

Listen up, Gyppos, tear up your treaty with Israel and we'll screw you good!

MR: "We have to also stand by our allies. I - I think the tension that existed between Israel and the United States was very unfortunate.

It's all your fault, Barry!

BO: "[O]ur alliances have never been stronger, in Asia, in Europe, in Africa, with Israel, where we have unprecedented military and intelligence cooperation, including dealing with the Iranian threat."

Israel as continent.

BO: "We spend more on our military than the next 10 countries combined: China, Russia, France, the United Kingdom, you name it."

'Cos we gotta look after Israel, OK?

BO: "First of all, Israel is a true friend. It is our greatest ally in the region. And if Israel is attacked, America will stand with Israel. I've made that clear throughout my presidency."

And if Israel attacks, we'll stand with it too!

BO: "I will stand with Israel if they are attacked. And this is the reason why, working with Israel, we have created the strongest military and intelligence cooperation between our two countries in history. In fact, this week we'll be carrying out the largest military exercise with Israel in history, this very week. But to the issue of Iran, as long as I'm president of the United States Iran will not get a nuclear weapon. I made that clear when I came into office. We then organized the strongest coalition and the strongest sanctions against Iran in history, and it is crippling their economy. Their currency has dropped 80%. Their oil production has plunged to the lowest level since they were fighting a war with Iraq 20 years ago. So their economy is in a shambles. And the reason we did this was because a nuclear Iran is a threat to our national security, and it is a threat to Israel's national security."

Whose economy is in a shambles?

BO: "[T]hey have said they want to see Israel wiped off the map."

Seriously now...

MR: "Well... I want to underscore the same point the president made, which is that if I'm President of the United States, when I'm President of the United States, we will stand with Israel. And if Israel is attacked, we have their back, not just diplomatically, not just culturally, but militarily. That's number one."

Anatomically impossible. How can you have Israel's back if you're joined at the hip?

MR: "[C]rippling sanctions are something I called for 5 years ago, when I was in Israel... I laid out 7 steps, crippling sanctions were number one... Number two... is I would tighten those sanctions... Secondly, I'd take on diplomatic isolation efforts. I'd make sure that Ahmadinejad is indicted under the Genocide Convention. His words amount to genocide incitation. I would indict him for it. I would also make sure their diplomats are treated like the pariah they are around the world. The same way we treated the apartheid diplomats of South Africa."

There's nothing I wouldn't do for Israel!

BO: "The clock is ticking. We're not going to allow Iran to perpetually engage in negotiations that lead nowhere. And I've been very clear to them. You know, because of the intelligence coordination that we do with a range of countries, including Israel..."

A range of countries... including Israel. LOL

MR: "I think that when the president said he was going to create daylight between ourselves and Israel [the Iranians] noticed that..."

What'd I say? Joined at the hip.

MR: "Mr President, the reason I call it an apology tour is because you went to the Middle East and you flew to Egypt and to Saudi Arabia and to Turkey and to Iraq. And by the way, you skipped Israel, our closest friend in the region..."

Just who do you think you are, Barry? President?

BO: "If we're going to talk about trips that we've taken - when I was a candidate for office, first trip I took was to visit our troops. And when I went to Israel as a candidate, I didn't take donors. I didn't attend fundraisers. I went to Yad Beshef (ph), the Holocaust museum there, to remind myself the nature of evil and why our bond with Israel will be unbreakable. And then I went down to the border towns of Storok (ph), which had experienced missiles raining down from Hamas. And I saw families there who showed me there where missiles had come down near their children's bedrooms. And I was reminded of what that would mean if those were my kids. Which is why as president, we funded an Iron Dome program to stop those missiles."

An American president's gotta do what an American president's gotta do!

MR: "Our relationship with Israel, my relationship with the prime minister of Israel, is such that we would not get a call saying our bombers are on the way, or their fighters are on the way. That is the kind of thing that would have been discussed and thoroughly evaluated well before that kind of - "

Famous last words...

PS 26/10/12: Incredibly, but typically, the SMH editorialist (An America where being reasonable is audacious), writing in yesterday's issue on the final debate, simply DID NOT NOTICE that it was ALL  ABOUT ISRAEL. Nor did its cartoonist, Moir, whose lame comment, in effect, was simply that Romney had emerged the worst for wear.

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