Your Honour, it really wasn't our fault. There we were, just a hapless, ragged quartet of Labor powerbrokers going about our business in the wee small hours, when, all of a sudden, the hideous, contorted features of our enemies, albeit in poster form, began leering and mocking us as we hastened by, or so it seemed, there in the gloom. So provoking were their fiendish faces, that we were quite overcome. David, George and Dean, as is their wont, looked to me for courage and leadership, and without a second thought, I found myself crying out: 'Once more into the breach, dear friends, once more... The game's afoot: Follow your spirit, and upon this charge, Cry 'God for Michael, Israel & St Bill!' Know what I mean, your Honour? (With apologies to the Bard)
"Four Labor figures with links to Opposition leader Bill Shorten are set to be spared criminal records over allegations they vandalised polling places on the morning of the last federal election. The quartet of middle-aged party powerbrokers are accused of damaging Liberal and Greens promotional material at polling booths from Ellwood to Port Melbourne early on July 2 last year.
"One of the accused, Andrew Landeryou*, is the husband of Victorian senator Kimberly Kitching. David Boutros-Asmar, George Droutsas and Dean Sherriff are also accused of taking part in damaging the material of rival parties. The four men were campaigning for Michael Danby, who retained the seat of Melbourne Ports for the ALP. The Melbourne Magistrates Court heard on Wednesday that it was likely the men would be penalised under the court's diversion program. The program allows people charged with minor criminal charges to avoid having criminal records provided they accept responsibility for their offending." (Labor four avoid conviction over vandalism, Adam Cooper/ Nino Bucci, Sydney Morning Herald, 16/3/17)
[*Of the binned vexnews blog. Sample tweet: "In Israel, violent nutters are put in prison. In Gaza, violent nutters are put in power." (9/8/15)]