My Exclusive Interview With Geert Wilders*

MERC: Welcome to Australia, Geert. Love the thatch!
Wilders: Thank you, so do I.
MERC: So tell us a bit about yourself.
Wilders: Sure. "Thirty years ago, as a young man, I dreamed of Australia. I wanted to find myself a job there. Lack of sufficient funds decided otherwise and I ended up in Israel, working in a bakery in Jerusalem and on a farm near Jericho. During the year that I lived in Israel, I travelled to Egypt. This trip made a huge impression on me. Israel and Egypt are neighbours, with the same climate, similar resources, the same potential. And yet Egypt is poor while Israel is wealthy. Even though at the time I was interested in politics, I learned from this trip that the key to understanding the wealth of nations lies in their culture. If the latter promotes freedom, a nation will prosper."
MERC: And I thought travel was supposed to broaden, not narrow, the mind.
Wilders: What was that?
MERC: Nothing. Please continue.
Wilders: "In the Islamic world, I was always struck by two things. I was impressed by the kindness and helpfulness of many people. But there was also their fear. Islamic societies are ruled by terror. Muslims are good people, but they live under the yoke of Islamic sharia."
MERC: Really...?
Wilders: I'm afraid so. Then "I returned to the Netherlands and became a politician. I used to live in the Kanaleneiland district of Utrecht. During my years there, the district was transformed into a dangerous neighbourhood for non-Muslims. I have been robbed. On several occasions I had to run for safety." MERC: Sorry, I'm confused. Let me get this straight, Geert. Wherever you travelled in the Islamic world, there were shitloads of sharia, right?
Wilders: Correct.
MERC: But the folks were bonza, right?
Wilders: As I said.
MERC: But when you went back home, despite a relative, even complete, absence of sharia, you say you lived in fear for your life?
Wilders: Yes, it was terrible.
MERC: So why are you so worried about sharia? Maybe the folks in Kanaleneilad had it in for you because you were a politician? They're not too popular here either.
Wilders: Don't be facetious. Now where was I? Oh, that's right. "Contrary to what many Westerners think, Islam, rather than a religion, is a totalitarian political ideology. It is an ideology because it aims for an Islamic state..."
MERC: An Islamic state? But Geert, what about your love affair with the Jewish state? Nothing totalitarian or ideological there?
Wilders: Not at all. "I really enjoyed myself [there], and not just because of the beautiful Israeli women."
MERC: Not just... c'mon, Geert? A spunk like you? Why, even I'm tempted to run my fingers through that hair.
Wilders: You'll have to join the Q (Society) first. Sorry, I couldn't help that one. OK, OK, I admit it. Those Israeli women couldn't keep their hands off me. See what I mean about freedom? As I said, the problem with Egypt and the other Islamic countries is the culture of fear which comes from Islam. You see, those Arab women were dying to get their hands on me but this... this... this bloody sharia thingie just kept getting in the way. They were simply too afraid to run their hands over my adorable white body or their fingers through my truly stunning locks, which incidentally seem to turn on the ladies wherever I go... Please... not now, Debbie!
MERC: Please, if you don't mind, Ms Robinson, I'm trying to conduct an interview here!
Wilders: See what I mean? Actually, the women of Holland haven't been able to get anywhere near me "for 9 years [now because] I have been living under constant police protection."
MERC: Police protection? You should be so lucky, mate. If you were a Palestinian, you'd have been under Israeli military occupation since 1967.
Wilders: Palestinians? Don't talk to me about Palestinians. Hopelessly deluded, the lot of them! "The Palestinians believe - and this is the nature of Islam - that Israel is their country and that they are fighting the non-Muslims in the West through it. The struggle against Israel is a struggle against us. We are Israel. The reason Dutch parents can sleep soundly without having to worry about their kids is that Israeli parents stay awake at night because their children are in the army." 
MERC: No kidding?
Wilders: No kidding! You see "the reason we reject Islam is Islam's violent nature." However, "our commitment to human dignity does not allow us to use violence..."
MERC: But didn't you once say Ariel Sharon was your "role model"?
Wilders: Absolutely!
MERC: But what about your commitment to non-violence?
Wilders: Did Sharon have any other option? Face it, if he gave the Palestinians the West Bank today, they'd be at the gates of Vienna - sorry, Tel Aviv - tomorrow! Anyhow, the greedy bastards already have a state. "Jordan is Palestine. That's how it was in the past," or as I like to call it, the good old days, "after the Sykes-Picot Agreement, and this is the solution for the conflict."
MERC: So the Palestinians should be expelled into Jordan then?
Wilders: No. "I am against the idea of a transfer or ethnic purification." What are you laughing at?
MERC: Nothing...
Wilders: Now where was I? Yes, the "Palestinians could be encouraged to move there."
MERC: OK...
Wilders: You're rolling your eyes. Why?
MERC: Sorry, Geert, it's the sun off your hair. So dazzling! Please go on...
Wilders: That's what I'm here for... to dazzle. Now if you'll excuse me, the ladies of the Q society wish to have a word with me... in private.

[*Wilder's quoted words are taken from Islamification of Western societies threatens everyone's freedoms, Geert Wilders, The Australian, 18/2/13;and Geert Wilders: Israel fighting our war, Eldad Beck, ynetnews.com, 30/11/10]