Toby (aka Rowan Atkinson) sorts out the wannabe Abbott ministry:
Hello, nice to see you all again.
Now, as the more perceptive of you have probably realised by now, this is Hell, and I am the Devil. Good evening. You can call me Toby, if you like - we try and keep things informal here, as well as infernal. That's just a little joke.
Now you're all here for eternity, which I hardly need tell you is a sod of a long time, so you get to know everyone pretty well by the end, but for now I'm going to have to split you up into groups. Are there any questions? Yes?
Um, no, I'm afraid we don't have any toilets. If you'd read your Bible you would have seen that it was damnation without relief. So, if you didn't go before you came then I'm afraid you're not going to enjoy yourself very much... but then, I believe that's the idea.
Right, let's split you up then.
Can you all hear me still?
CAN YOU HEAR ME AT THE RACK?
All right, off we go...
Rambammers*, if you could step forward - my God there are a lot of you:
Prime Minister: Tony Abbott - rambammed 2008
Treasury: Joe Hockey
Communications: Malcolm Turnbull - rambammed 2006
Immigration: Scott Morrison
Climate Change: Greg Hunt - kibbutzed 1984
Foreign Affairs: Julie Bishop - rambammed 2009, 2010
Attorney-General: George Brandis - rambammed 2009, 2010
Finance: Andrew Robb - rambammed 2008, 2010
Education: Christopher Pyne - rambammed 2005, 2009, 2010
Employment: Eric Abetz
Defence: David Johnston - rambammed 2008
Health: Peter Dutton - rambammed 2008
Border Protection & Justice: Michael Keenan - rambammed 2008
[*See my 30/3/09 post I've been to Israel too.]