The Wit & Wisdom of The Angry Arab

The latest gems from The Angry Arab News Service, polished by Yours Truly:

"Some people, both Easterners and Westerners, often observe that Arabs blame too many of their problems on Israel. I say that we should blame Israel far more than we do. Its dirty hands are involved in just about every injustice, war, sedition and fragmentation in the Middle East. And there has never been any fight for justice anywhere in the region in which Israel has not been on the side of the oppressors, the abusers and the killers." (5/11/10)

"As I was reading yet another favorable review of an Israeli author in The New York Times this morning, I thought: Has there ever been an Israeli author who hasn't been reviewed favorably in the US press. Just one? And have you noticed that, no matter what an Israeli writes - poetry, fiction, speeches, or hate speech - he/she gets rave reviews in the US? I mean, I'm dying for just one Israeli book to be citicized in the US. Only one. And have you noticed that every review by an Israeli, no matter how warmongering and terrorist his background or his present, contains at least one or more words about his/her 'anguish'? Oh, I get it now. Is it anti-Semitic to review an Israeli author unfavorably in the US? PS: Do a google search of the words 'Israeli' and 'anguish' and tell me what you find." (17/11/10)

"Tel Aviv University's Middle East & Islamic Studies (& Hate) Association of Israel is launching a new journal on Middle Eastern women. (Sharqiyya) This is like the Nazi Party launching a journal on Jewish studies, or the South African apartheid regime launching a journal on African studies, or the Bush Presidential Library launching a journal on peace studies. Such audacity on the part of a racist and terrorist regime! What will this journal be carrying? Confessions of jailed female Palestinian prisoners extracted under torture? Of course, I shall be providing no links." (18/11/10)

"I reported yesterday that The Middle East & Islamic Studies (& Hate) Association of Israel is launching a journal devoted to Middle Eastern women. I am told that they found a token Arab, Mahmoud Yazbak, to sit on its board. I don't know the guy but I assume he's one of these: Stand up, Mahmoud! Sit down, Mahmoud! Good boy, Mahmoud! Now, come and have your treat.

"I have just received an advance copy of the first issue. Most juicy! Here are the feature articles: 1) How to torture Arab women, Israeli-style 2) Discover how Israeli troops sexually harass Arab women 3) Why Golda Meir is a model for women the world over: learn all about her orders to bomb women and children in Palestinian refugee camps 4) The anguish of female Israeli soldiers when they torture and kill Arabs." (20/11/10)

"I was just thinking: Practicing Muslims pray 5 times a day. I curse Israel at least 50 times a day." (21/11/10)

"Here is the secret recipe for Sabra Hummus obtained recently by The Angry Arab: 1 cup hummus; 4 cups tahini; 5 cups crushed cockroaches (must have wings); 3 heaped spoonfuls of rat feces; 4 cups of *** from the trash can of a sitting Israeli prime minister; 3 cups of vomit from an Israeli soldier fresh from his killing spree; 3 spoonfuls of Ariel Sharon's bedside drool; a pinch of sand from the nearest street. Enjoy boycotting Sabra Hummus." (25/11/10)