In my May 7 post on Richard Di Natale, The Green's New Limp Lettuce Leader, I jestingly classified him as being at the iceberg lettuce end of the greens spectrum.
Having just read Di Natale in his own words in The Australian Jewish News of May 22, however, I now realise I was wrong. Even an iceberg lettuce would have a more informed, nuanced and ethical perspective than this:
The two-state solution: "Most people who have followed this issue and care about it, would acknowledge that there really isn't any other [sic] alternative."
Hello? Does anyone seriously believe that Di Natale has ever "followed and cared about this issue"? Even for a nanosecond?
There is "no alternative" to two states? Oh, really?
IOW, there's no alternative to:
a) an ethnocratic, apartheid Israeli state on 78% (+ settlements + Jordan Valley + East Jerusalem) of historical Palestine; and
b) an impoverished, de-militarised, non-contiguous series of Palestinianian bantustans (with no control over borders or airspace) on the bits left over.
Although Di Natale lives in a unitary state blind to ethnicity or sectarian affiliation, he doesn't see it as an alternative to the above? Well I'll be buggered!
Scary.
Recognising Israel's existence as a Jewish state:
"Of course. How can you have a two-state solution when you refuse to acknowledge the right of one state to exist? It's patently nonsense."
Let's get this straight. The occupied Palestinians of the West Bank and Gaza (many of whom, BTW, are the descendents of refugees from Israel improper) should recognise Israel's right to exist as a Jewish state which excludes the indigenous, non-Jewish Palestinians it turfed out in 1948 by denying them the right of return?
IOW, he expects the West Bankers and Gazans to kiss international law and basic, inalienable human rights goodbye and recognise an apartheid state based on the permanent exile of most Palestinians?
Apparently so. After all, as far as Di Natale's concerned, anything less is "patently nonsense."
BDS:
"It's just not the party position. Some time ago we made a very clear statement that we didn't believe that this was a pathway to peace."
I think what Di Natale really means here is that BDS is not a pathway to peace with the Zionist lobby.
'Israeli' technology:
"Israelis are at the forefront of innovative technologies around [water-saving]. Why wouldn't we be learning from some of the new technologies that the Israelis have developed?"
Which simply means that he cannot see past the brand Israel hype to Palestinian water tanks riddled by Israeli bullets and Israeli settler swimming pools brimming with water.
On visiting Israel:
"Absolutely."
Iceberg lettuce? This bloke's not even a member of the plant kingdom. Is there a mycologist in the house?
Showing posts with label Circus Israel. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Circus Israel. Show all posts
Saturday, May 23, 2015
Monday, January 13, 2014
Ariel Sharon's Pastrami Sandwich
My favorite tweets on the death of former Israeli PM Ariel Sharon:
Ariel Sharon spent his life working for peace. May he rest in peace now. (US Senator Tom Carper)
Is Senator Carper on crack? (Syd Walker)
R.I.P. Ariel Sharon Man of Peace (2006-2014) (Syd Walker)
Actually, Syd, even with the gag included, I don't wish him to rest in any kind of peace. (Jacques Hughes)
As Shakespeare wrote: 'The evil that men do lives after them,' IMO our task is to minimize that legacy. I wish his bones no harm. (Syd Walker)
Ariel Sharon in 1973 on his plans for irreversible Jewish colonization and Palestinian bantustans in the West Bank: "We'll make a pastrami sandwich out of them. We'll insert a strip of Jewish settlements in between the Palestinians and then another strip of Jewish settlements right across the West Bank so that in 25 years time, neither the UN nor the US, nobody will be able to tear it apart." (Rania Khalek)
Actually, Syd's wrong about Sharon being a Man of Peace from 2006 to 2014. As the following Circus Israel review of Sharon's 2010 book, Conquering the Void, clearly shows, even while comatose, Arik was waging war:
CONQUERING THE VOID, by Ariel Sharon, as told to Dov Weisglass (Gefen Publishing)
Resolute as ever, the Bulldozer reports from his comatose netherworld, as narrated by his trusted advisor and favorite quipster, attorney Dov Weisglass. Predictably, the incapacitated PM finds no Palestinian partner for peace in the indefinite beyond and must carve out the borders of the Jewish Vegetative State unilaterally. Left with no reasonable alternative, he parachutes behind enemy ether and establishes irrevocable Jewish facts in the clouds. When ethereal Arabs reflexively respond with mindless terror, Arik deploys the IDF to break their vaguely formed bones. Of course, Sharon simultaneously works the diplomatic channel, outflanking Arafat by abruptly disengaging from certain peripheral and non-strategic gastric functions. On a lighter note, the indisposed PM playfully recounts his distaste for his free-floating miasmic dust-bunnies, which he describes as 'cowardly and naive'." (Spring books for fervent Zionists, circusisrael.blogspot.com, 11/4/10)
And speaking of fervent Zionists, it is fervently to be hoped that by the time shadow foreign minister Tanya Plibersek finishes reading Golda Meir's autobiography, a translation of Sharon's latest will be ready for her to take up. (See my 25/12/13 post The Taming of Tanya Plibersek 2)
Ariel Sharon spent his life working for peace. May he rest in peace now. (US Senator Tom Carper)
Is Senator Carper on crack? (Syd Walker)
R.I.P. Ariel Sharon Man of Peace (2006-2014) (Syd Walker)
Actually, Syd, even with the gag included, I don't wish him to rest in any kind of peace. (Jacques Hughes)
As Shakespeare wrote: 'The evil that men do lives after them,' IMO our task is to minimize that legacy. I wish his bones no harm. (Syd Walker)
Ariel Sharon in 1973 on his plans for irreversible Jewish colonization and Palestinian bantustans in the West Bank: "We'll make a pastrami sandwich out of them. We'll insert a strip of Jewish settlements in between the Palestinians and then another strip of Jewish settlements right across the West Bank so that in 25 years time, neither the UN nor the US, nobody will be able to tear it apart." (Rania Khalek)
Actually, Syd's wrong about Sharon being a Man of Peace from 2006 to 2014. As the following Circus Israel review of Sharon's 2010 book, Conquering the Void, clearly shows, even while comatose, Arik was waging war:
CONQUERING THE VOID, by Ariel Sharon, as told to Dov Weisglass (Gefen Publishing)
Resolute as ever, the Bulldozer reports from his comatose netherworld, as narrated by his trusted advisor and favorite quipster, attorney Dov Weisglass. Predictably, the incapacitated PM finds no Palestinian partner for peace in the indefinite beyond and must carve out the borders of the Jewish Vegetative State unilaterally. Left with no reasonable alternative, he parachutes behind enemy ether and establishes irrevocable Jewish facts in the clouds. When ethereal Arabs reflexively respond with mindless terror, Arik deploys the IDF to break their vaguely formed bones. Of course, Sharon simultaneously works the diplomatic channel, outflanking Arafat by abruptly disengaging from certain peripheral and non-strategic gastric functions. On a lighter note, the indisposed PM playfully recounts his distaste for his free-floating miasmic dust-bunnies, which he describes as 'cowardly and naive'." (Spring books for fervent Zionists, circusisrael.blogspot.com, 11/4/10)
And speaking of fervent Zionists, it is fervently to be hoped that by the time shadow foreign minister Tanya Plibersek finishes reading Golda Meir's autobiography, a translation of Sharon's latest will be ready for her to take up. (See my 25/12/13 post The Taming of Tanya Plibersek 2)
Friday, October 4, 2013
Look Who's Talking
When Benjamin Netanyahu bangs on thus about Iran and its new president...
"Now here's a strategy to achieve this [nukes without sanctions]. First, smile a lot. Smiling never hurts. Second, pay lip service to peace, democracy and tolerance. Third, offer meaningless concessions in exchange for lifting sanctions. And fourth, and the most important, ensure that Iran retains sufficient nuclear material and sufficient nuclear infrastructure to race to the bomb at a time it chooses to do so. You know why Rohani thinks he can get away with this? I mean, this is a ruse. It's a ploy. Why does Rohani think he can get away with it? Because he's gotten away with it before, because his strategy of talking a lot and doing little has worked for him in the past... You see, Rohani thinks he can have his yellowcake and eat it too." (Transcript of Netanyahu's UN General Assembly speech, Haaretz, 1/10/13)
... you know you're dealing with the Freudian phenomenon of psychological projection, whereby the guilty party projects his own negative qualities onto others.
As the inimitable Circus Israel 'reported' back in 2009:
"PM Binyamin Netanyahu declared today that Israel will take Iran to court. Almost immediately after the Iranian regime recently agreed to discussions and inspections for its nuclear enrichment program, Israel's leaders began threatening to enforce the Jewish State's ownership rights over the combination of phony, time-consuming negotiations and irreversible facts on the ground. But Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad has ignored Israel's demands and persisted with conciliatory gestures toward the '5+1 Group' and the International Atomic Energy Agency. By this morning, Israel's cabinet had lost patience. It instructed government attorneys to take action against Iran's flagrant infringement of Israel's internationally recognized copyright 'We wrote the book on 'Talk & Take', said Israel's insufferable Vice Prime Minister, Silvan Shalom. 'We put decades of R&D into this. The right balance of talking peace and absorbing what we want, the way we time and exaggerate our overtures and spin our expansions, one temporary step forward and ten permanent steps back. This's our work product. It belongs to the Jewish people.' Israeli officials are particularly upset that Ahmadinejad believes himself capable of managing a sophisticated 'Talk & Take program. 'That provincial fruitcake in a cheap windbreaker thinks he can play our game?' asked Moshe 'Boogie' Ya'alon, Israel's other - and equally unnecessary - Vice Prime Minister. 'When I see him making those monkey smiles and going all nicey-nice, it just makes my blood boil. Cut the crap and act like the psycho you really are. Wait'll our lawyers get done with him'." (Israel to defend copyright on bullshit negotiations*, circusisrael.blogspot.com, 11/10/09)
[You can read it all in my 23/10/10 post, Talk & Take.]
"Now here's a strategy to achieve this [nukes without sanctions]. First, smile a lot. Smiling never hurts. Second, pay lip service to peace, democracy and tolerance. Third, offer meaningless concessions in exchange for lifting sanctions. And fourth, and the most important, ensure that Iran retains sufficient nuclear material and sufficient nuclear infrastructure to race to the bomb at a time it chooses to do so. You know why Rohani thinks he can get away with this? I mean, this is a ruse. It's a ploy. Why does Rohani think he can get away with it? Because he's gotten away with it before, because his strategy of talking a lot and doing little has worked for him in the past... You see, Rohani thinks he can have his yellowcake and eat it too." (Transcript of Netanyahu's UN General Assembly speech, Haaretz, 1/10/13)
... you know you're dealing with the Freudian phenomenon of psychological projection, whereby the guilty party projects his own negative qualities onto others.
As the inimitable Circus Israel 'reported' back in 2009:
"PM Binyamin Netanyahu declared today that Israel will take Iran to court. Almost immediately after the Iranian regime recently agreed to discussions and inspections for its nuclear enrichment program, Israel's leaders began threatening to enforce the Jewish State's ownership rights over the combination of phony, time-consuming negotiations and irreversible facts on the ground. But Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad has ignored Israel's demands and persisted with conciliatory gestures toward the '5+1 Group' and the International Atomic Energy Agency. By this morning, Israel's cabinet had lost patience. It instructed government attorneys to take action against Iran's flagrant infringement of Israel's internationally recognized copyright 'We wrote the book on 'Talk & Take', said Israel's insufferable Vice Prime Minister, Silvan Shalom. 'We put decades of R&D into this. The right balance of talking peace and absorbing what we want, the way we time and exaggerate our overtures and spin our expansions, one temporary step forward and ten permanent steps back. This's our work product. It belongs to the Jewish people.' Israeli officials are particularly upset that Ahmadinejad believes himself capable of managing a sophisticated 'Talk & Take program. 'That provincial fruitcake in a cheap windbreaker thinks he can play our game?' asked Moshe 'Boogie' Ya'alon, Israel's other - and equally unnecessary - Vice Prime Minister. 'When I see him making those monkey smiles and going all nicey-nice, it just makes my blood boil. Cut the crap and act like the psycho you really are. Wait'll our lawyers get done with him'." (Israel to defend copyright on bullshit negotiations*, circusisrael.blogspot.com, 11/10/09)
[You can read it all in my 23/10/10 post, Talk & Take.]
Friday, May 3, 2013
BDS: No Offence Meant
Never let it be said that I'm incapable of thinking beyond the dogmas laid down by "jejune students eager for an anti-establishment cause," as the worldly wise editorial in Wednesday's Australian described UNSW's BDS campaigners.
And what an editorial it was! Every line, a revelation. Every idea, positively Solomonic!
Still, if I had to choose the one line/idea that particularly resonated with me, it'd be this one:
"The legitimate grievances of the Palestinian people present a worthy cause, yet to couch their campaign in hateful language about 'apartheid' and 'war crimes' is demonstrably inaccurate and offensive." (Unis tolerating intolerance: Racist anti-Israel protests expose lack of understanding, 1/5/13)
Now that, let me tell you, really got me thinking outside the current BDS square. Maybe, I thought, the Australian's onto something here, much as I hate to admit it. Maybe those "jejune students" really do need to just sit down together and come up with a more appropriate, less offensive way of plugging the "worthy cause" of Palestine.
And then it hit me: this kind of discussion has already taken place, and among Palestinian leaders no less!
A quick rummage through my files, and I soon had the document I wanted. After reading through it again, I was struck by the way its contents echoed the wisdom of the Australian's call for the adoption by the "jejune" BDS brigade of a more moderate, more Israel-friendly approach to highlighting "the legitimate grievances of the Palestinian people."
Why, I asked myself, shouldn't the spirit of tolerance for Israel's position that informed that cross-factional, post Gaza Flotilla discussion back in 2010, act as a guide today for those "jejune" pro-Palestinian students at UNSW? After all, we can't be more Palestinian than the Palestinians, now can we?
And so, with that in mind, I'm posting here a transcript of what is surely the single most important, though unfortunately least known, of all the documents of the Palestinian resistance movement ever to have fallen off the back of a truck:
Meshal (Hamas): Everyone hooked up?... Okay, gentlemen, we have a big problem, so I'm just gonna say what needs to be said: We're screwing up the one thing we always agreed on - Israel's needs come first. We must - I mean must - find modes of resistance that don't offend the Jews. By the way, I just got a bootleg Avi Gefen CD and it kicks ass. I'll burn copies for you guys.
Shallah (Islamic Jihad): Cool. Listen, I couldn't agree more about re-calibrating strategy, Khaled. I really thought the settlement boycott would be OK, since it's stuff made on our land and all that, but it's just way too aggressive. We should've run it by the Yesha Council.
Fayyad (PA): And that Aid Flotilla - what a bright idea. Not! Look, we were warned. When Lieberman calls something a violent provocation, it's a violent provocation. Those crazy boats and what-have-you. Why? Because of a siege? It just makes Israel look bad.
Sa'adat (PFLP): Say, who's gonna talk to these hotheads in Ni'lin and Bi'lin? It's not okay to provoke tear gas and bullets and scrawl that potty-mouth stuff on the Wall. I don't want Jewish kids seeing that trash on TV.
Fayyad: You're blaming the Authority, I assume.
Sa'adat: Your turf, man.
Fayyad: My turf? Listen, I have -
Meshal: C'mon, c'mon. Guys, there's plenty of blame for everyone. Let's keep it positive.
Shallah: Hey, a rabbi, a sheikh and a midget walk into a brothel. The sheikh says-
Sa'adat: This the one where the rabbi says 'Oy vey, it's bigger than a palm tree'?
Shallah: You heard it already?
Meshal: Who hasn't? That joke's older than the Jewish presence in Jerusalem. Look, let's focus here. One suggestion - why don't we just ask the Israelis what protest they'll tolerate?
Sa'adat: No, no, no, no, no! Khaled, are you trying to make things worse? Every lover wants you to just understand them and not ask a lot of questions. Besides, you're just trying to shift responsibility to the Jews. As Abdullah said, it's our duty to figure this out.
Meshal: What about a Palestinian Gandhi?
Shallah: That's just another version of asymmetrical warfare. With Sharon under the weather, the Israelis don't have a comparable peacemaker.
Fayyad: How about we use protest letters? Firm but polite. Good quality paper.
Meshal: Better yet, does anybody know if the Israelis have a standard complaint form? We fill it out, submit it quietly through proper channels, we can't go wrong. It's their own form.
Shallah: That's good. Just let's not flood them with complaints. We'll look like a nuisance and it's not very nice.
Meshal: Right, exactly. Everything in moderation. Not too much and not too little.
Fayyad: Well, too little's okay.
Shallah: Of course. By the way, a friend sent me an old Jackie Mason album. Vinyl - mint condition! Guy makes me laugh so hard I plotz!
Sa'adat: Jackie takes something, like, half-formed in my mind and says it perfectly. Like he's in my head!
Fayyad: You wish, Ahmad!
Meshal: Hey, I hate to be a nudje, but we're burning minutes. Listen, how about something like this Flotilla Commission the Israelis put together? A focus group of really old Jews that detest us. If something doesn't offend those guys, it's good to go.
Sa'adat: Again you make the Jews responsible! Not only do you want painful concessions, you want them to tell you how to ask for them. Nutty.
Meshal: Okay, Mr Diplomat, make a proposal - for once. One constructive idea.
Sa'adat: Well, maybe if you listened a little more carefully, you'd know I've been suggesting a petition drive from day one.
Meshal: I like petition drives. I always said they're very effective with the Israelis. But what do we demand?
Fayyad: Demand?
Meshal: Okay, not demand. Request.
Shallah: Something like, we, the undersigned, respectfully request... what?
Sa'adat: Negotiations?... Discussions about negotiations?
Fayyad: Preliminary discussions about preliminary negotiations?
Shallah: Jordanian citizenship and limited residency rights in restricted West Bank areas?
Sa'adat: No, no - that's to be negotiated.
Shallah: This's really hard. Ya know, I just don't think it's so wrong to ask the Israelis for a little guidance. They know what they'll tolerate.
Meshal: Do they? 2 Jews, 3 opinions.
Sa'adat: Why can't we be delightfully quirky like that?
Meshal: Lemme tell you something Abu Tir said the other day. 'Hamas wins parliamentary elections and they arrest 64 of us. So protest voting's obviously not allowed. After 4 years in prison, they revoke my Jerusalem residency. So even thinking about resistance is not allowed in territory they control. Maybe they just want us out of here.'
Fayyad: Khaled, c'mon, man...
Meshal: This never occurs to you? That everything we're talking about, the expulsions, the land grabs, the contempt, it's all on purpose to make us surrender?
Shallah: Wow. My brother, that's really paranoid.
Sa'adat: Worse, it's anti-Semitic incitement. Khaled, I'm very disappointed.
Shallah: Those Syrians slipped something in your falafel.
Fayyad: Look, if we present the right request in the right way at the right time, Israel will always consider it. Just like Oslo.
Meshal: Sorry. Guess I'm a little frustrated....
Shallah: Here's a good one. Arab walks into a bar on Jaffa Street in Jerusalem. Slaps a pile of shekels on the bar, says 'Let bygones be bygones - drinks're on me!' Bunch of Jewish guys get drunk, they jump the Arab and beat his ass. Week later, the Arab comes back in. 'Let bygones be bygones - drinks're on me!' Jews get drunk, beat his ass again. Another week, in comes the Arab. This time he says, 'I'm not buying you guys any more drinks.' Jewish guy says, 'Good, 'cause we're tired of you making us drink before we beat your ass!'
Fayyad: Now that's funny! I gotta tell that one to Tony Blair!
(Circus Israel, Palestinians strive to resist appropriately,13/7/10, circusisrael.blogspot.com.au)
And what an editorial it was! Every line, a revelation. Every idea, positively Solomonic!
Still, if I had to choose the one line/idea that particularly resonated with me, it'd be this one:
"The legitimate grievances of the Palestinian people present a worthy cause, yet to couch their campaign in hateful language about 'apartheid' and 'war crimes' is demonstrably inaccurate and offensive." (Unis tolerating intolerance: Racist anti-Israel protests expose lack of understanding, 1/5/13)
Now that, let me tell you, really got me thinking outside the current BDS square. Maybe, I thought, the Australian's onto something here, much as I hate to admit it. Maybe those "jejune students" really do need to just sit down together and come up with a more appropriate, less offensive way of plugging the "worthy cause" of Palestine.
And then it hit me: this kind of discussion has already taken place, and among Palestinian leaders no less!
A quick rummage through my files, and I soon had the document I wanted. After reading through it again, I was struck by the way its contents echoed the wisdom of the Australian's call for the adoption by the "jejune" BDS brigade of a more moderate, more Israel-friendly approach to highlighting "the legitimate grievances of the Palestinian people."
Why, I asked myself, shouldn't the spirit of tolerance for Israel's position that informed that cross-factional, post Gaza Flotilla discussion back in 2010, act as a guide today for those "jejune" pro-Palestinian students at UNSW? After all, we can't be more Palestinian than the Palestinians, now can we?
And so, with that in mind, I'm posting here a transcript of what is surely the single most important, though unfortunately least known, of all the documents of the Palestinian resistance movement ever to have fallen off the back of a truck:
Meshal (Hamas): Everyone hooked up?... Okay, gentlemen, we have a big problem, so I'm just gonna say what needs to be said: We're screwing up the one thing we always agreed on - Israel's needs come first. We must - I mean must - find modes of resistance that don't offend the Jews. By the way, I just got a bootleg Avi Gefen CD and it kicks ass. I'll burn copies for you guys.
Shallah (Islamic Jihad): Cool. Listen, I couldn't agree more about re-calibrating strategy, Khaled. I really thought the settlement boycott would be OK, since it's stuff made on our land and all that, but it's just way too aggressive. We should've run it by the Yesha Council.
Fayyad (PA): And that Aid Flotilla - what a bright idea. Not! Look, we were warned. When Lieberman calls something a violent provocation, it's a violent provocation. Those crazy boats and what-have-you. Why? Because of a siege? It just makes Israel look bad.
Sa'adat (PFLP): Say, who's gonna talk to these hotheads in Ni'lin and Bi'lin? It's not okay to provoke tear gas and bullets and scrawl that potty-mouth stuff on the Wall. I don't want Jewish kids seeing that trash on TV.
Fayyad: You're blaming the Authority, I assume.
Sa'adat: Your turf, man.
Fayyad: My turf? Listen, I have -
Meshal: C'mon, c'mon. Guys, there's plenty of blame for everyone. Let's keep it positive.
Shallah: Hey, a rabbi, a sheikh and a midget walk into a brothel. The sheikh says-
Sa'adat: This the one where the rabbi says 'Oy vey, it's bigger than a palm tree'?
Shallah: You heard it already?
Meshal: Who hasn't? That joke's older than the Jewish presence in Jerusalem. Look, let's focus here. One suggestion - why don't we just ask the Israelis what protest they'll tolerate?
Sa'adat: No, no, no, no, no! Khaled, are you trying to make things worse? Every lover wants you to just understand them and not ask a lot of questions. Besides, you're just trying to shift responsibility to the Jews. As Abdullah said, it's our duty to figure this out.
Meshal: What about a Palestinian Gandhi?
Shallah: That's just another version of asymmetrical warfare. With Sharon under the weather, the Israelis don't have a comparable peacemaker.
Fayyad: How about we use protest letters? Firm but polite. Good quality paper.
Meshal: Better yet, does anybody know if the Israelis have a standard complaint form? We fill it out, submit it quietly through proper channels, we can't go wrong. It's their own form.
Shallah: That's good. Just let's not flood them with complaints. We'll look like a nuisance and it's not very nice.
Meshal: Right, exactly. Everything in moderation. Not too much and not too little.
Fayyad: Well, too little's okay.
Shallah: Of course. By the way, a friend sent me an old Jackie Mason album. Vinyl - mint condition! Guy makes me laugh so hard I plotz!
Sa'adat: Jackie takes something, like, half-formed in my mind and says it perfectly. Like he's in my head!
Fayyad: You wish, Ahmad!
Meshal: Hey, I hate to be a nudje, but we're burning minutes. Listen, how about something like this Flotilla Commission the Israelis put together? A focus group of really old Jews that detest us. If something doesn't offend those guys, it's good to go.
Sa'adat: Again you make the Jews responsible! Not only do you want painful concessions, you want them to tell you how to ask for them. Nutty.
Meshal: Okay, Mr Diplomat, make a proposal - for once. One constructive idea.
Sa'adat: Well, maybe if you listened a little more carefully, you'd know I've been suggesting a petition drive from day one.
Meshal: I like petition drives. I always said they're very effective with the Israelis. But what do we demand?
Fayyad: Demand?
Meshal: Okay, not demand. Request.
Shallah: Something like, we, the undersigned, respectfully request... what?
Sa'adat: Negotiations?... Discussions about negotiations?
Fayyad: Preliminary discussions about preliminary negotiations?
Shallah: Jordanian citizenship and limited residency rights in restricted West Bank areas?
Sa'adat: No, no - that's to be negotiated.
Shallah: This's really hard. Ya know, I just don't think it's so wrong to ask the Israelis for a little guidance. They know what they'll tolerate.
Meshal: Do they? 2 Jews, 3 opinions.
Sa'adat: Why can't we be delightfully quirky like that?
Meshal: Lemme tell you something Abu Tir said the other day. 'Hamas wins parliamentary elections and they arrest 64 of us. So protest voting's obviously not allowed. After 4 years in prison, they revoke my Jerusalem residency. So even thinking about resistance is not allowed in territory they control. Maybe they just want us out of here.'
Fayyad: Khaled, c'mon, man...
Meshal: This never occurs to you? That everything we're talking about, the expulsions, the land grabs, the contempt, it's all on purpose to make us surrender?
Shallah: Wow. My brother, that's really paranoid.
Sa'adat: Worse, it's anti-Semitic incitement. Khaled, I'm very disappointed.
Shallah: Those Syrians slipped something in your falafel.
Fayyad: Look, if we present the right request in the right way at the right time, Israel will always consider it. Just like Oslo.
Meshal: Sorry. Guess I'm a little frustrated....
Shallah: Here's a good one. Arab walks into a bar on Jaffa Street in Jerusalem. Slaps a pile of shekels on the bar, says 'Let bygones be bygones - drinks're on me!' Bunch of Jewish guys get drunk, they jump the Arab and beat his ass. Week later, the Arab comes back in. 'Let bygones be bygones - drinks're on me!' Jews get drunk, beat his ass again. Another week, in comes the Arab. This time he says, 'I'm not buying you guys any more drinks.' Jewish guy says, 'Good, 'cause we're tired of you making us drink before we beat your ass!'
Fayyad: Now that's funny! I gotta tell that one to Tony Blair!
(Circus Israel, Palestinians strive to resist appropriately,13/7/10, circusisrael.blogspot.com.au)
Thursday, February 14, 2013
USrael: The Movie
Well, not quite. But it's a bloody good beginning.
I refer, of course, to the brilliant, Circus Israel-standard Saturday Night Live parody of Chuck Hagel's grilling by Republican senators at his recent confirmation hearing. (Hagel, Obomber's pick for defence secretary, is the subject of my 4/2/13 post 'One Dumb Thing'.)
Unfortunately, it didn't actually make it to air in the US (!), but it's gone viral on the internet.
Since I couldn't find a transcript, I thought I'd supply one. Savour:
Voice: On Friday the former senator appeared once more before the committee handling his nomination. It did not go very well.
Senator Levin, D-Michigan, Chair: If the room could come to order please! Chair recognises the distinguished senator from South Carolina, Mr Graham.
Senator Graham, R-South Carolina: Thank you, Mr Chairman, and thank you, Senator Hagel for appearing before us once again.
Hagel: Not at all, Senator.
Graham: As you know, Senator, I like you.
Hagel (puzzled, playing along): I like you too.
Graham: That's why I have to tell you that I'm frankly troubled by some comments you have made in the press regarding our relationship with our closest ally Israel. Those comments trouble me. They trouble me. I find them troubling and am troubled by them. Specifically, a quote that appeared in the April 1998 edition of the Washington Post. You said, and I quote: "The US will always have an extremely close relationship with the State of Israel, but that's not to say that in every single instance our interests and those of Israel will be identical." Now, I like you, Senator. I do believe you're a good man, but when I read that statement I thought to myself: Is this a typo? Are my eyes deceiving me? I mean, does he really think that our interests and those of Israel could ever be different? Or have I slipped into some parallel dimension where white is black and black is white, where the sun rises in the west instead of the east like it's supposed to? Where cats go 'woof woof' and dogs go 'miaow'. Is this some kinda crazy dream world where the sky is green and the grass is blue, horses ride people or... instead of going 9&7 San Diego Charters went 7&9? (Hagel looks completely nonplussed) Where the school bus doesn't take kids to school, it takes parents away from school. Some mad bizarro universe where...
Levin (banging gavel): The time of the Senator has expired.
Graham (sighing): Why don't you like Israel?
Hagel: Senator, I support the State of Israel.
Levin: The chair recognises the junior senator from South Carolina, Mr Scott.
Scott (young, bright-eyed, bushy-tailed & black): Hi! Thank you Mr Chairman. I ask my colleagues to forgive me because the subject of Israel is a very emotional one for me. As an African-American from South Carolina love of Israel is in my blood. (Holding back tears) I'm sorry, I just love that little country so much. The people of Israel are the warmest, the most generous, kindest, gentlest, the most self-effacing...
Hagel: Really?
Scott:... easy-going people on God's green earth. (Counting on fingers) Err... Israel has the best food.
Hagel (incredulous): What?
Scott: They got the best beaches, the most beautiful women in the world.
Hagel: That's very subjective.
Scott: Let's see, what else they got? They make the best movies and they... ah... have the best rock and roll hip-hop.
Hagel: Well that's doubtful.
Scott: They even have the tallest mountain in the world.
Hagel: That's definitely not true.
Scott: Yeah. And Ben Gurion Airport - that's the best airport ever.
Hagel (dubious): I guess.
Levin (banging gavel): The time of the Senator has expired.
Scott: So when you criticise Israel, you're walkin' on the fightin' side of me!
Senator Sanders, I-VT (old, Jewish): I'm sorry, but I've got to say something.
Levin: The Chair recognises the Senator from Vermont.
Sanders: As everyone in this room knows, I am a... a Jew... (mock cries of surprise from senators: D'oh... Oh really?... Wooh!) An old Jew, and like all old Jews I love the State of Israel. But what my Republican colleagues are doing here is pure grandstanding.
Levin: The Chair recognises the Senator from Arizona, Mr McCain.
McCain, R-Arizona: Thank you, Mr Chairman. Senator Hagel, I think you know that no one in this room cares more deeply about the safety and security of Israel than I do.
Scott: What?! That is a lie!
Graham: I... I love Israel more!
Levin (banging gavel): Order!
McCain: So let me pose you a hypothetical. You get an urgent call from the Prime Minister of Israel, Benjamin Netanyahu, who truly is one of the greatest men of this or any age.
Graham: Bingo!
Scott: Damn straight! Damn straight!
McCain: And he says to you: It is vital to Israel's security that you go on national television that night and perform oral sex on a donkey.
Hagel (shocked): Oral sex on a donkey?
McCain: That's right, that's right. Would you do that... for Israel?
Hagel: Senator, with all due respect, why would the security of Israel depend on...
McCain: Excuse me, if it's alright with you, I'll ask the questions here! Now remember, the security of Israel is at stake. Would you fellate that donkey?
Hagel: I don't think so.
McCain: Then I regret to say, Senator, that I cannot support your confirmation.
Scott: Hey, I'd do it. Bring me the donkey!
Graham: For Israel I'd do it in a second, but then I grew up on a farm so...
Sanders: Excuse me, excuse me. Mr Chairman, once again this is pure grandstanding by my Republican colleagues. In any case, fellating a donkey is not even possible. Donkeys are castrated...
Levin: I believe my distinguished colleague from Vermont is thinking of mules. Donkeys are not castrated. And even if they were, you couldn't tea bag them. Maybe you could still... a... you know... fellate them... (turns to Hagel in confusion) Does the witness have a question?
Hagel: Do I need to be here or...
Sanders (oblivious): Fine. I will stipulate that the donkey... or the mule... whatever... you know... has all its private parts...
Voice: At this point the hearing began to veer off track and Senator Hagel was able to slip away without anyone noticing.
Of course, it couldn't happen here... could it?
I refer, of course, to the brilliant, Circus Israel-standard Saturday Night Live parody of Chuck Hagel's grilling by Republican senators at his recent confirmation hearing. (Hagel, Obomber's pick for defence secretary, is the subject of my 4/2/13 post 'One Dumb Thing'.)
Unfortunately, it didn't actually make it to air in the US (!), but it's gone viral on the internet.
Since I couldn't find a transcript, I thought I'd supply one. Savour:
Voice: On Friday the former senator appeared once more before the committee handling his nomination. It did not go very well.
Senator Levin, D-Michigan, Chair: If the room could come to order please! Chair recognises the distinguished senator from South Carolina, Mr Graham.
Senator Graham, R-South Carolina: Thank you, Mr Chairman, and thank you, Senator Hagel for appearing before us once again.
Hagel: Not at all, Senator.
Graham: As you know, Senator, I like you.
Hagel (puzzled, playing along): I like you too.
Graham: That's why I have to tell you that I'm frankly troubled by some comments you have made in the press regarding our relationship with our closest ally Israel. Those comments trouble me. They trouble me. I find them troubling and am troubled by them. Specifically, a quote that appeared in the April 1998 edition of the Washington Post. You said, and I quote: "The US will always have an extremely close relationship with the State of Israel, but that's not to say that in every single instance our interests and those of Israel will be identical." Now, I like you, Senator. I do believe you're a good man, but when I read that statement I thought to myself: Is this a typo? Are my eyes deceiving me? I mean, does he really think that our interests and those of Israel could ever be different? Or have I slipped into some parallel dimension where white is black and black is white, where the sun rises in the west instead of the east like it's supposed to? Where cats go 'woof woof' and dogs go 'miaow'. Is this some kinda crazy dream world where the sky is green and the grass is blue, horses ride people or... instead of going 9&7 San Diego Charters went 7&9? (Hagel looks completely nonplussed) Where the school bus doesn't take kids to school, it takes parents away from school. Some mad bizarro universe where...
Levin (banging gavel): The time of the Senator has expired.
Graham (sighing): Why don't you like Israel?
Hagel: Senator, I support the State of Israel.
Levin: The chair recognises the junior senator from South Carolina, Mr Scott.
Scott (young, bright-eyed, bushy-tailed & black): Hi! Thank you Mr Chairman. I ask my colleagues to forgive me because the subject of Israel is a very emotional one for me. As an African-American from South Carolina love of Israel is in my blood. (Holding back tears) I'm sorry, I just love that little country so much. The people of Israel are the warmest, the most generous, kindest, gentlest, the most self-effacing...
Hagel: Really?
Scott:... easy-going people on God's green earth. (Counting on fingers) Err... Israel has the best food.
Hagel (incredulous): What?
Scott: They got the best beaches, the most beautiful women in the world.
Hagel: That's very subjective.
Scott: Let's see, what else they got? They make the best movies and they... ah... have the best rock and roll hip-hop.
Hagel: Well that's doubtful.
Scott: They even have the tallest mountain in the world.
Hagel: That's definitely not true.
Scott: Yeah. And Ben Gurion Airport - that's the best airport ever.
Hagel (dubious): I guess.
Levin (banging gavel): The time of the Senator has expired.
Scott: So when you criticise Israel, you're walkin' on the fightin' side of me!
Senator Sanders, I-VT (old, Jewish): I'm sorry, but I've got to say something.
Levin: The Chair recognises the Senator from Vermont.
Sanders: As everyone in this room knows, I am a... a Jew... (mock cries of surprise from senators: D'oh... Oh really?... Wooh!) An old Jew, and like all old Jews I love the State of Israel. But what my Republican colleagues are doing here is pure grandstanding.
Levin: The Chair recognises the Senator from Arizona, Mr McCain.
McCain, R-Arizona: Thank you, Mr Chairman. Senator Hagel, I think you know that no one in this room cares more deeply about the safety and security of Israel than I do.
Scott: What?! That is a lie!
Graham: I... I love Israel more!
Levin (banging gavel): Order!
McCain: So let me pose you a hypothetical. You get an urgent call from the Prime Minister of Israel, Benjamin Netanyahu, who truly is one of the greatest men of this or any age.
Graham: Bingo!
Scott: Damn straight! Damn straight!
McCain: And he says to you: It is vital to Israel's security that you go on national television that night and perform oral sex on a donkey.
Hagel (shocked): Oral sex on a donkey?
McCain: That's right, that's right. Would you do that... for Israel?
Hagel: Senator, with all due respect, why would the security of Israel depend on...
McCain: Excuse me, if it's alright with you, I'll ask the questions here! Now remember, the security of Israel is at stake. Would you fellate that donkey?
Hagel: I don't think so.
McCain: Then I regret to say, Senator, that I cannot support your confirmation.
Scott: Hey, I'd do it. Bring me the donkey!
Graham: For Israel I'd do it in a second, but then I grew up on a farm so...
Sanders: Excuse me, excuse me. Mr Chairman, once again this is pure grandstanding by my Republican colleagues. In any case, fellating a donkey is not even possible. Donkeys are castrated...
Levin: I believe my distinguished colleague from Vermont is thinking of mules. Donkeys are not castrated. And even if they were, you couldn't tea bag them. Maybe you could still... a... you know... fellate them... (turns to Hagel in confusion) Does the witness have a question?
Hagel: Do I need to be here or...
Sanders (oblivious): Fine. I will stipulate that the donkey... or the mule... whatever... you know... has all its private parts...
Voice: At this point the hearing began to veer off track and Senator Hagel was able to slip away without anyone noticing.
Of course, it couldn't happen here... could it?
Wednesday, January 30, 2013
So What Else Is New?
This news really should have come as no surprise:
"Israel and US scientists say the comatose former prime minister Ariel Sharon showed 'significant brain activity' in an MRI scan, responding to pictures of his family 7 years after a stroke left him unconscious." (Sharon: sign of brain activity, AFP/Sydney Morning Herald, 29/1/13)
After all, a book was published on this very subject some years back. What's more, it was dictated by the great, but comatose, man himself to his mate, Dov Weisglass. Published in Israel by Gefen Publishing, it's called Conquering the Void.
Here's the gist:
"Resolute as ever, the Bulldozer reports from his comatose netherworld, as narrated by his trusted advisor and favorite quipster, attorney Dov Weisglass. Predictably, the incapacitated PM finds no Palestinian partner for peace in the indefinite beyond and must carve out the borders of the Jewish Vegetative State unilaterally. Left with no reasonable alternative, he parachutes behind enemy ether and establishes irrevocable Jewish facts in the clouds. When ethereal Arabs reflexively respond with mindless terror, Arik deploys the IDF to break their vaguely formed bones. Of course, Sharon simultaneously works the diplomatic channel, outflanking Arafat by abruptly disengaging from certain peripheral and non-strategic gastric functions. On a lighter note, the indisposed PM playfully recounts his distaste for his free-floating miasmic dust-bunnies, which he describes as 'cowardly and naive.'" (Spring books for fervent Zionists, circusisrael.blogspot.com, 11/4/10)
"Israel and US scientists say the comatose former prime minister Ariel Sharon showed 'significant brain activity' in an MRI scan, responding to pictures of his family 7 years after a stroke left him unconscious." (Sharon: sign of brain activity, AFP/Sydney Morning Herald, 29/1/13)
After all, a book was published on this very subject some years back. What's more, it was dictated by the great, but comatose, man himself to his mate, Dov Weisglass. Published in Israel by Gefen Publishing, it's called Conquering the Void.
Here's the gist:
"Resolute as ever, the Bulldozer reports from his comatose netherworld, as narrated by his trusted advisor and favorite quipster, attorney Dov Weisglass. Predictably, the incapacitated PM finds no Palestinian partner for peace in the indefinite beyond and must carve out the borders of the Jewish Vegetative State unilaterally. Left with no reasonable alternative, he parachutes behind enemy ether and establishes irrevocable Jewish facts in the clouds. When ethereal Arabs reflexively respond with mindless terror, Arik deploys the IDF to break their vaguely formed bones. Of course, Sharon simultaneously works the diplomatic channel, outflanking Arafat by abruptly disengaging from certain peripheral and non-strategic gastric functions. On a lighter note, the indisposed PM playfully recounts his distaste for his free-floating miasmic dust-bunnies, which he describes as 'cowardly and naive.'" (Spring books for fervent Zionists, circusisrael.blogspot.com, 11/4/10)
Friday, November 2, 2012
The Essentials of the Israeli-Palestinian Conflict
From Sandra Hall's review of Last Dance in yesterday's Sydney Morning Herald:
"Last Dance strips the Israeli-Palestinian conflict down to its essentials." (Power shifts from captor to captive as anger drains away with blood)
Right, Sandra, and what, pray, are these?
Well, let's begin with the Palestinian side of the equation:
"[Sadiq] ranges through her apartment, waving a knife at her and spraying vitriol, or rather, repeatedly spitting out the word 'Jew', which is the most virulent form of abuse that he knows."
There you go, typical bloody Palestinian! Make no mistake, trembling viewer, we've entered the dark, obsessive realm of Circus Israel's Dream Arab:
Circus Israel: Nabila, tell us about yourself.
Nabila Hatem: Like I've been saying. I'm anti-Semitic. It's really all you need to know about me. I'm basically just an anti-Semitic young woman. I spend all my time being anti-Semitic. Morning, noon and night. Sometimes, I forget to eat, and when someone tells me I might get sick, I yell at them - 'Can't you see I'm busy being anti-Semitic!' I don't like when something interferes with my anti-Semitism. I don't care about work, or having things or being healthy, and I don't care about my family or my community. I'm just anti-Semitic." (For the full monty on Nabila Hatem, see my 19/7/11 post A Hate Supreme.)
As for the Israeli side, it's all there: helpless victim, Einstein intellect, and a courage forged in a Nazi death camp:
"Ullah is gagged and tied to a chair... There's a forensic intelligence giving Blake's performance its spine, as well as the courage of someone who's willing to risk everything. This courage presumably goes back to the suffering Ullah endured in a concentration camp."
There you are viewer, now you know the essentials of the Israeli-Palestinian conflict. What an enlightening film!
[See my earlier posts on Last Dance: One Incredibly Dumb Idea (11/8/12) and Jeeesus! (27/10/12).]
"Last Dance strips the Israeli-Palestinian conflict down to its essentials." (Power shifts from captor to captive as anger drains away with blood)
Right, Sandra, and what, pray, are these?
Well, let's begin with the Palestinian side of the equation:
"[Sadiq] ranges through her apartment, waving a knife at her and spraying vitriol, or rather, repeatedly spitting out the word 'Jew', which is the most virulent form of abuse that he knows."
There you go, typical bloody Palestinian! Make no mistake, trembling viewer, we've entered the dark, obsessive realm of Circus Israel's Dream Arab:
Circus Israel: Nabila, tell us about yourself.
Nabila Hatem: Like I've been saying. I'm anti-Semitic. It's really all you need to know about me. I'm basically just an anti-Semitic young woman. I spend all my time being anti-Semitic. Morning, noon and night. Sometimes, I forget to eat, and when someone tells me I might get sick, I yell at them - 'Can't you see I'm busy being anti-Semitic!' I don't like when something interferes with my anti-Semitism. I don't care about work, or having things or being healthy, and I don't care about my family or my community. I'm just anti-Semitic." (For the full monty on Nabila Hatem, see my 19/7/11 post A Hate Supreme.)
As for the Israeli side, it's all there: helpless victim, Einstein intellect, and a courage forged in a Nazi death camp:
"Ullah is gagged and tied to a chair... There's a forensic intelligence giving Blake's performance its spine, as well as the courage of someone who's willing to risk everything. This courage presumably goes back to the suffering Ullah endured in a concentration camp."
There you are viewer, now you know the essentials of the Israeli-Palestinian conflict. What an enlightening film!
[See my earlier posts on Last Dance: One Incredibly Dumb Idea (11/8/12) and Jeeesus! (27/10/12).]
Monday, November 28, 2011
My Brush with Superman
Oh dear, the Australia/Israel & Jewish Affairs Council's Jeremy Jones is at it again with his 22nd report on anti-Semitism in Australia - whether real or alleged - and we anti-Zionists have been scooped up in his net, aka Report on Antisemitism in Australia, November 2011, along with the usual suspects.
Mild-mannered JJ, you see, is apparently the Superman of the Israel lobby, capable of detecting an anti-Zionist insult sealed in kryptonite a thousand meters away (to adapt Circus Israel's wonderful line) and construing it as anti-Semitism. And his baleful x-ray vision, in the service of Zionist Propaganda, Israeli Injustice and the Apartheid Way, has settled on yours truly:
"6.5 The anonymous writer of Middle East Reality Check (MERC) often [!] used or hosted extreme and offensive rhetoric [hereinafter EOR]..."
Jones cites the following examples of MERC EOR (omission of context, of course, is a given with JJ, and the accusations of EOR are characteristically asserted, never demonstrated):
1) Commenter Syd Walker's use of the term "God-approved people of the Chosen Land."
Well, if that's an instance of EOR, would JJ care to comment on David Ben-Gurion's famous statement that "the Bible is our mandate"? JJ?
2) My reference to "Israel's Nazi-style blockade of Gaza."
JJ finds the following question - "How, other than Nazi-style blockade of Gaza, would you describe a deliberate policy of ghettoisation and enforced malnutrition reminiscent of the Warsaw Ghetto?" - a case of EOR. Well, JJ might care to answer that question. JJ?
3) My post Holocaust Studies Make the Grade. God knows I've puzzled over this one, but I just don't get the EOR label here. JJ?
4) A comment by "brian" that SBS "has long been ziionist [sic] central," based on his observation that, while SBS has inundated us with docos on the Nazis, it has screened "not one on Palestine," followed by his not unreasonable question, "how does that sort of programming happen?"
Now seriously, if JJ really found brian's comment EOR, why not hazard a rebuttal? Perhaps he could detail his (and other Zionist organisations') interventions with SBS over the years but go on to explain that these haven't had the least impact on the broadcaster. JJ?
5) A reference by that most windy of commentators, anonymous, to Israel as "a revival of Medieval Talmudic ghettoism at the expense of [Palestine's] indigenous population."
Sure it's categorical, but JJ really should read Israel Shahak and Norton Mezvinsky's Jewish Fundamentalism in Israel (1999/2004) before mounting his high horse on "Medieval Talmudic ghettoism":
"This book pinpoints the political importance of Jewish fundamentalism in Israel... Jewish fundamentalism is here briefly defined as the belief that Jewish Orthodoxy, which is based on the Babylonian Talmud, the rest of talmudic literature and halachic literature, is still valid and will eternally remain valid..." (p 4)
"The religious influence upon the Israeli right-wing of Israel B [the right & religious parties] is attributable both to its militaristic character and its widely shared world outlook. Secular and militaristic right-wing, Israeli Jews hold political views and engage in rhetoric similar to that of religious Jews. For most Likud followers, 'Jewish blood' is the reason why Jews are in a different category than non-Jews, including, of course, even those non-Jews who are Israeli citizens and who serve in the Israeli army. For religious Jews, the blood of non-Jews has no intrinsic value; for Likud, it has limited value. Menachem Begin's masterful use of such rhetoric about Gentiles brought him votes and popularity and thus constitutes a case in point. The difference in this respect between Labor and Likud is rhetorical but is nevertheless important in that it reveals part of a world outlook. In 1982, for example, when the Israeli army occupied Beirut, Rabin representing Labor, although advocating the same policies as favored by Sharon and Likud, did not explain the Sabra and Shatila camp massacres by stating, as did Begin: 'Gentiles kill Gentiles and blame the Jews'. Even if Rabin had himself been capable of saying this, he knew that most of his secular supporters in Labor, who distinguish between Gentiles who hate Jews and those who do not, would not have tolerated such a statement." (p 11)
JJ, get back to me when you've read that one, OK?
Mild-mannered JJ, you see, is apparently the Superman of the Israel lobby, capable of detecting an anti-Zionist insult sealed in kryptonite a thousand meters away (to adapt Circus Israel's wonderful line) and construing it as anti-Semitism. And his baleful x-ray vision, in the service of Zionist Propaganda, Israeli Injustice and the Apartheid Way, has settled on yours truly:
"6.5 The anonymous writer of Middle East Reality Check (MERC) often [!] used or hosted extreme and offensive rhetoric [hereinafter EOR]..."
Jones cites the following examples of MERC EOR (omission of context, of course, is a given with JJ, and the accusations of EOR are characteristically asserted, never demonstrated):
1) Commenter Syd Walker's use of the term "God-approved people of the Chosen Land."
Well, if that's an instance of EOR, would JJ care to comment on David Ben-Gurion's famous statement that "the Bible is our mandate"? JJ?
2) My reference to "Israel's Nazi-style blockade of Gaza."
JJ finds the following question - "How, other than Nazi-style blockade of Gaza, would you describe a deliberate policy of ghettoisation and enforced malnutrition reminiscent of the Warsaw Ghetto?" - a case of EOR. Well, JJ might care to answer that question. JJ?
3) My post Holocaust Studies Make the Grade. God knows I've puzzled over this one, but I just don't get the EOR label here. JJ?
4) A comment by "brian" that SBS "has long been ziionist [sic] central," based on his observation that, while SBS has inundated us with docos on the Nazis, it has screened "not one on Palestine," followed by his not unreasonable question, "how does that sort of programming happen?"
Now seriously, if JJ really found brian's comment EOR, why not hazard a rebuttal? Perhaps he could detail his (and other Zionist organisations') interventions with SBS over the years but go on to explain that these haven't had the least impact on the broadcaster. JJ?
5) A reference by that most windy of commentators, anonymous, to Israel as "a revival of Medieval Talmudic ghettoism at the expense of [Palestine's] indigenous population."
Sure it's categorical, but JJ really should read Israel Shahak and Norton Mezvinsky's Jewish Fundamentalism in Israel (1999/2004) before mounting his high horse on "Medieval Talmudic ghettoism":
"This book pinpoints the political importance of Jewish fundamentalism in Israel... Jewish fundamentalism is here briefly defined as the belief that Jewish Orthodoxy, which is based on the Babylonian Talmud, the rest of talmudic literature and halachic literature, is still valid and will eternally remain valid..." (p 4)
"The religious influence upon the Israeli right-wing of Israel B [the right & religious parties] is attributable both to its militaristic character and its widely shared world outlook. Secular and militaristic right-wing, Israeli Jews hold political views and engage in rhetoric similar to that of religious Jews. For most Likud followers, 'Jewish blood' is the reason why Jews are in a different category than non-Jews, including, of course, even those non-Jews who are Israeli citizens and who serve in the Israeli army. For religious Jews, the blood of non-Jews has no intrinsic value; for Likud, it has limited value. Menachem Begin's masterful use of such rhetoric about Gentiles brought him votes and popularity and thus constitutes a case in point. The difference in this respect between Labor and Likud is rhetorical but is nevertheless important in that it reveals part of a world outlook. In 1982, for example, when the Israeli army occupied Beirut, Rabin representing Labor, although advocating the same policies as favored by Sharon and Likud, did not explain the Sabra and Shatila camp massacres by stating, as did Begin: 'Gentiles kill Gentiles and blame the Jews'. Even if Rabin had himself been capable of saying this, he knew that most of his secular supporters in Labor, who distinguish between Gentiles who hate Jews and those who do not, would not have tolerated such a statement." (p 11)
JJ, get back to me when you've read that one, OK?
Monday, July 25, 2011
A Guide to the Perplexed
Sometimes I find myself plagued with doubt. Like now for instance. Frankly, I'm wondering whether or not we Palestinian rights activists have perhaps been a little too harsh on Israel. Have we perhaps forgotten in our zeal that Israelis too are human and have feelings? Have we ever stopped to consider what toll our incessant anti-Israel carping must be having on their self esteem? Just how are Israelis coping with being singled out by us?
As always, my guide to all matters Israeli, Circus Israel, has his finger on Israel's pulse and his thermometer up its rectum:
"The righteous Hebraic air of Eretz Israel is again scented with the complaint that our nation is singled out, among all others, for rebuke. Such anti-Israel criticism is hypocrisy, we cry, and an expression of anti-Semitism. To probe this troubling development, Circus Israel thrust its investigatory rectal thermometer into the shopping centers of the Jewish State. As customers squeezed out of busy supermarkets, we absorbed their discourse on the unequal treatment of their homeland. Whether they paced agitatedly or sat uneasily on stools, their pungent opinions represent the by-product of the unique Jewish experience in a stressful world. Representative samples appear below...
SHMUEL R. (software designer): 'All I'm saying is when you discuss Israel negatively, you have to mention every other nation in the same breath. Otherwise, you're a Jew-hating shit-head. That's all I'm saying'.
ELIE W. (professional survivor and honoree): 'I'm only against being singled out. I don't oppose saying our suffering must be elevated above all others, or that we're unique, a Light Unto Nations, God's Chosen People, never wrong and above international law. But, please, don't single us out'.
ADINA L. (early childhood educator): 'Once in a while, single us out for something good we've developed - like armored bulldozers or family punishment or certain interrogation methods'.
YISRAEL Y. (redeemer of sacred hilltops): 'How about me and my posse single you out, you fucking traitor?'
TATIANA M. (beautician and drug mule): 'Maybe they could single out Iran for once. Is Iran invisible? Look at all the trouble they cause in... all those places they call trouble in'.
STEVEN P. (Haifa University professor): 'Why don't they pick on all the other countries with undefined borders, ethnic-based public policy, a vast apparatus of usurpation and occupation, a siege on another people, a continuous history of attacking neighboring states and a disregard of international law? Why don't they? Nothing to say, judenrat?'
AVIGAIL B. (fertile womb of the Jewish people): 'Us they single out? The only ethno-religious democracy in the Middle East? Who ever heard of such a thing?'
MENACHEM D. (yeshiva student): 'Can you believe what they're getting for yogurt here? At these prices, who can afford to feed me?'
YORAN N. (IDF lieutenant and DJ): 'Which singling out do you mean, bro? Where Obama has to give us more military aid than anybody else?'
DOV L. (rabbi & mohel): 'Blood libel!'
SHIMON P. (President of Israel): 'It's time to begin proximity negotiations to quantify the number and characteristics of other nations that must be discussed when criticizing Israel. But first there must be confidence-building measures, such as the purchase of Israeli products and an airstrike on Iranian nuclear sites'.
AVIGDOR L. (Israeli Foreign Minister): 'As a boy, I was often singled out for hitting other children with a lead pipe, so I know how that feels. It's a real slap in the face to your self-esteem'.
GOLDA A. (painless dentist): 'I have only one question about this repulsive singling out - is it good for the Jews?'" (Israel feeling singled out, circusisrael.blogspot.com, 16/5/10)
OK, so we may have been a little hard on Israel, but no-one's perfect, right? Least of all Israel. So, to be fair, some level of criticism is justified. The problem for us as defenders of Palestinian rights though, is that since criticising Israel is about to become a hanging offence, we need to know just what criticisms are available to us. Again, our infallible guide, Circus Israel, has the answers:
"For reasons that are murky - and probably sinister - the Jewish People have acquired a reputation for demonizing any criticism of the Jewish State. The inference is that we evade responsibility and justify anything we do, no matter how repugnant. Of course, nothing could be further from the truth. We enthusiastically welcome constructive criticism. However, certain recent events - the appearance of Rachel Corrie's mother at the San Fransisco Film Festival, the histrionics of leftist cults like Breaking the Silence and New Profile, the libelous slurs of academics at various universities in the US (William Robinson at the University of California, Santa Barbara, for instance), the UK (witness the execrable Hilary Rose), Canada (the flagrant Jew-haters in the CUPE) and Israel (eg. the traitors, Neve Gordan and Noah Slor at Ben Gurion University), the lunatic ravings of Arab-Israelis (MK Ahmed Tibi, for one) and self-hating Israeli Jews (Ezra Nawi, naturally) and misguided references to the so-called Nakba in Israeli textbooks - have simply not been constructive. They have been anti-Semitic. They need correction.
"Nonetheless, although we are chosen, we are not perfect. It's 'fair game' to discuss our shortcomings. To encourage such healthy discussion, we will provide examples of reasonable criticism of the State of Israel. Goyim should not hesitate to address the following Israeli deficiencies, so long as the content and tone of your discourse are not hurtful to our sensibilities.
1) Israel has not done everything possible to save the entire world from nuclear annihilation by Iran. Although Ahmadinejad and the bloodthirsty, Arab-like Persian mullahs unquestionably intend to slaughter most of the human race and enslave the survivors, Israel has failed to convince the world to annihilate the Iranians first.
2) Israel has failed to redeem all the Land of Israel for the exclusive enjoyment of the Jewish People. Israel has allowed the selfishness and perfidy of various intruders and their sponsors to obstruct our redemption - which is the sole reason the universe was created.
3) Israel has neglected to arm both sides of several international conflicts, thus depriving one side of the benefits of Israeli military technology. The People who gave the world Einstein, Freud and Marx now have a responsibility to fully share the products of Israel Military Industries and Elbit.
4) Israel has failed to help more Palestinians find jobs in London, Istanbul and New Jersey. We are working on this and will ask Irving Moskowitz, Sheldon Adelson and Haim Saban to fund a job board or something.
5) Israel hasn't always told the exact truth to non-Jews. This is entirely attributable to our security needs. And to the simple fact that we're very special and smart. And you couldn't handle the truth anyway.
6) Israel has only a couple of golf courses and they suck.
7) Israeli human traffickers aren't providing even a minimal education for the women they sell. As a result, these women have little value to their pimps after their erotic appeal wears out.
8) Israel has allowed far too many gentiles to learn Hebrew, undermining its function as a secret code. This jeopardizes our security and singularity. We recommend you study Navajo and leave our language to us.
9) Israel has failed to reach out to diaspora Jews living on other planets. Consequently, few extra-terrestrials have made aliyah to the Land of Israel.
10) Israel has not been sufficiently precise about the Arab-to-Jew ratio for purposes of prisoner exchanges. The official and precise ratio is hereby set at 1100 to 1. The comparable ratio for casualty counts is 1,000,000 to 1. Also, the official and precise ceiling on the acceptable Arab population of the land of Israel is 1. Or less.
11) Israelis have trained themselves to lick their own balls. While this has prevented intermarriage in many instances, it has made us appear self-absorbed.
12) Israel loves too much. We give and give and give, but where does it get us? Enough said." (Yes, you can criticize Israel, circusisrael.blogspot.com, 22/8/09)
I trust you've found that useful. I know I have.
As always, my guide to all matters Israeli, Circus Israel, has his finger on Israel's pulse and his thermometer up its rectum:
"The righteous Hebraic air of Eretz Israel is again scented with the complaint that our nation is singled out, among all others, for rebuke. Such anti-Israel criticism is hypocrisy, we cry, and an expression of anti-Semitism. To probe this troubling development, Circus Israel thrust its investigatory rectal thermometer into the shopping centers of the Jewish State. As customers squeezed out of busy supermarkets, we absorbed their discourse on the unequal treatment of their homeland. Whether they paced agitatedly or sat uneasily on stools, their pungent opinions represent the by-product of the unique Jewish experience in a stressful world. Representative samples appear below...
SHMUEL R. (software designer): 'All I'm saying is when you discuss Israel negatively, you have to mention every other nation in the same breath. Otherwise, you're a Jew-hating shit-head. That's all I'm saying'.
ELIE W. (professional survivor and honoree): 'I'm only against being singled out. I don't oppose saying our suffering must be elevated above all others, or that we're unique, a Light Unto Nations, God's Chosen People, never wrong and above international law. But, please, don't single us out'.
ADINA L. (early childhood educator): 'Once in a while, single us out for something good we've developed - like armored bulldozers or family punishment or certain interrogation methods'.
YISRAEL Y. (redeemer of sacred hilltops): 'How about me and my posse single you out, you fucking traitor?'
TATIANA M. (beautician and drug mule): 'Maybe they could single out Iran for once. Is Iran invisible? Look at all the trouble they cause in... all those places they call trouble in'.
STEVEN P. (Haifa University professor): 'Why don't they pick on all the other countries with undefined borders, ethnic-based public policy, a vast apparatus of usurpation and occupation, a siege on another people, a continuous history of attacking neighboring states and a disregard of international law? Why don't they? Nothing to say, judenrat?'
AVIGAIL B. (fertile womb of the Jewish people): 'Us they single out? The only ethno-religious democracy in the Middle East? Who ever heard of such a thing?'
MENACHEM D. (yeshiva student): 'Can you believe what they're getting for yogurt here? At these prices, who can afford to feed me?'
YORAN N. (IDF lieutenant and DJ): 'Which singling out do you mean, bro? Where Obama has to give us more military aid than anybody else?'
DOV L. (rabbi & mohel): 'Blood libel!'
SHIMON P. (President of Israel): 'It's time to begin proximity negotiations to quantify the number and characteristics of other nations that must be discussed when criticizing Israel. But first there must be confidence-building measures, such as the purchase of Israeli products and an airstrike on Iranian nuclear sites'.
AVIGDOR L. (Israeli Foreign Minister): 'As a boy, I was often singled out for hitting other children with a lead pipe, so I know how that feels. It's a real slap in the face to your self-esteem'.
GOLDA A. (painless dentist): 'I have only one question about this repulsive singling out - is it good for the Jews?'" (Israel feeling singled out, circusisrael.blogspot.com, 16/5/10)
OK, so we may have been a little hard on Israel, but no-one's perfect, right? Least of all Israel. So, to be fair, some level of criticism is justified. The problem for us as defenders of Palestinian rights though, is that since criticising Israel is about to become a hanging offence, we need to know just what criticisms are available to us. Again, our infallible guide, Circus Israel, has the answers:
"For reasons that are murky - and probably sinister - the Jewish People have acquired a reputation for demonizing any criticism of the Jewish State. The inference is that we evade responsibility and justify anything we do, no matter how repugnant. Of course, nothing could be further from the truth. We enthusiastically welcome constructive criticism. However, certain recent events - the appearance of Rachel Corrie's mother at the San Fransisco Film Festival, the histrionics of leftist cults like Breaking the Silence and New Profile, the libelous slurs of academics at various universities in the US (William Robinson at the University of California, Santa Barbara, for instance), the UK (witness the execrable Hilary Rose), Canada (the flagrant Jew-haters in the CUPE) and Israel (eg. the traitors, Neve Gordan and Noah Slor at Ben Gurion University), the lunatic ravings of Arab-Israelis (MK Ahmed Tibi, for one) and self-hating Israeli Jews (Ezra Nawi, naturally) and misguided references to the so-called Nakba in Israeli textbooks - have simply not been constructive. They have been anti-Semitic. They need correction.
"Nonetheless, although we are chosen, we are not perfect. It's 'fair game' to discuss our shortcomings. To encourage such healthy discussion, we will provide examples of reasonable criticism of the State of Israel. Goyim should not hesitate to address the following Israeli deficiencies, so long as the content and tone of your discourse are not hurtful to our sensibilities.
1) Israel has not done everything possible to save the entire world from nuclear annihilation by Iran. Although Ahmadinejad and the bloodthirsty, Arab-like Persian mullahs unquestionably intend to slaughter most of the human race and enslave the survivors, Israel has failed to convince the world to annihilate the Iranians first.
2) Israel has failed to redeem all the Land of Israel for the exclusive enjoyment of the Jewish People. Israel has allowed the selfishness and perfidy of various intruders and their sponsors to obstruct our redemption - which is the sole reason the universe was created.
3) Israel has neglected to arm both sides of several international conflicts, thus depriving one side of the benefits of Israeli military technology. The People who gave the world Einstein, Freud and Marx now have a responsibility to fully share the products of Israel Military Industries and Elbit.
4) Israel has failed to help more Palestinians find jobs in London, Istanbul and New Jersey. We are working on this and will ask Irving Moskowitz, Sheldon Adelson and Haim Saban to fund a job board or something.
5) Israel hasn't always told the exact truth to non-Jews. This is entirely attributable to our security needs. And to the simple fact that we're very special and smart. And you couldn't handle the truth anyway.
6) Israel has only a couple of golf courses and they suck.
7) Israeli human traffickers aren't providing even a minimal education for the women they sell. As a result, these women have little value to their pimps after their erotic appeal wears out.
8) Israel has allowed far too many gentiles to learn Hebrew, undermining its function as a secret code. This jeopardizes our security and singularity. We recommend you study Navajo and leave our language to us.
9) Israel has failed to reach out to diaspora Jews living on other planets. Consequently, few extra-terrestrials have made aliyah to the Land of Israel.
10) Israel has not been sufficiently precise about the Arab-to-Jew ratio for purposes of prisoner exchanges. The official and precise ratio is hereby set at 1100 to 1. The comparable ratio for casualty counts is 1,000,000 to 1. Also, the official and precise ceiling on the acceptable Arab population of the land of Israel is 1. Or less.
11) Israelis have trained themselves to lick their own balls. While this has prevented intermarriage in many instances, it has made us appear self-absorbed.
12) Israel loves too much. We give and give and give, but where does it get us? Enough said." (Yes, you can criticize Israel, circusisrael.blogspot.com, 22/8/09)
I trust you've found that useful. I know I have.
Tuesday, July 19, 2011
A Hate Supreme
The 'contribution' of Netanyahu adviser Yechiel Leiter featured in yesterday's post, the one about Palestinians channeling Nazis because Mullahs in mosques are messing their minds with mammalian metaphors about Jews, has got me thinking about Palestinian anti-Semitism.
I mean, face it, just because people calling themselves Jews invade your home, shoot up your family, and send what's left of it fleeing into the desert with bullets whizzing around their ears, is surely no reason for you to be anti-Semitic. Nor is having your orchards cut down or set alight by M-16-toting, kippa-wearing whackos claiming they're on a mission from Yahweh. Or being shot at and asphyxiated by their M-16-toting bodyguards every time you venture out to protest against the latest slabs of 8m high concrete slicing through your farmland and cutting off your water supply. Or being rocketed and shelled from land sea and air by killing machines sporting Stars of David.
No, nothing could be that simple. There has to be another explanation for Palestinian anti-Semitism. And the more I think about it, the more I think Leiter's letting the buggers off lightly.
You see, brainwashing really doesn't explain the beast within. Really now, as unpalatable as it is for me to have to say this, surely Palestinian anti-Semitism can only be, well, genetic. But, I hasten to add, don't trust my word on this terribly, terribly PC subject. No, credit must go to Israel's couch potatoes:
"The votes are in! Jewish TV viewers choose the Arab of their dreams. Circus Israel chats with Nabila Hatem.
CIRCUS ISRAEL: Nabila, tell us about yourself.
NABILA HATEM: Like I've been saying, I'm anti-semitic. It's really all there is to know about me. I'm basically just an anti-semitic young woman. I spend all my time being anti-semitic. Morning, noon and night. Sometimes, I forget to eat, and when someone tells me I might get sick, I yell at them - 'Can't you see I'm busy being anti-semitic?!' I don't like when anything interferes with my anti-semitism. I don't care about work, or having things or being healthy, and I don't care about my family or my community. I'm just anti-semitic. Sometimes I even wish my children would all go away, so I can use every second for my anti-semitism. All my friends feel the same way. We just don't care about anything except hating Jews. Why? Because. It's in the blood.
CIRCUS ISRAEL: So now you're Israel's dream Arab, what's next?
NABILA HATEM: I'll just keep trying to push Jews into the sea, I guess. What else would I do?
CIRCUS ISRAEL: Well, thanks for fulfilling our dreams.
NABILA HATEM: You're welcome. Death to the Jews." (Circus Israel talks with 'Dream Arab', circusisrael.blogspot.com, 8/2/08)
I mean, face it, just because people calling themselves Jews invade your home, shoot up your family, and send what's left of it fleeing into the desert with bullets whizzing around their ears, is surely no reason for you to be anti-Semitic. Nor is having your orchards cut down or set alight by M-16-toting, kippa-wearing whackos claiming they're on a mission from Yahweh. Or being shot at and asphyxiated by their M-16-toting bodyguards every time you venture out to protest against the latest slabs of 8m high concrete slicing through your farmland and cutting off your water supply. Or being rocketed and shelled from land sea and air by killing machines sporting Stars of David.
No, nothing could be that simple. There has to be another explanation for Palestinian anti-Semitism. And the more I think about it, the more I think Leiter's letting the buggers off lightly.
You see, brainwashing really doesn't explain the beast within. Really now, as unpalatable as it is for me to have to say this, surely Palestinian anti-Semitism can only be, well, genetic. But, I hasten to add, don't trust my word on this terribly, terribly PC subject. No, credit must go to Israel's couch potatoes:
"The votes are in! Jewish TV viewers choose the Arab of their dreams. Circus Israel chats with Nabila Hatem.
CIRCUS ISRAEL: Nabila, tell us about yourself.
NABILA HATEM: Like I've been saying, I'm anti-semitic. It's really all there is to know about me. I'm basically just an anti-semitic young woman. I spend all my time being anti-semitic. Morning, noon and night. Sometimes, I forget to eat, and when someone tells me I might get sick, I yell at them - 'Can't you see I'm busy being anti-semitic?!' I don't like when anything interferes with my anti-semitism. I don't care about work, or having things or being healthy, and I don't care about my family or my community. I'm just anti-semitic. Sometimes I even wish my children would all go away, so I can use every second for my anti-semitism. All my friends feel the same way. We just don't care about anything except hating Jews. Why? Because. It's in the blood.
CIRCUS ISRAEL: So now you're Israel's dream Arab, what's next?
NABILA HATEM: I'll just keep trying to push Jews into the sea, I guess. What else would I do?
CIRCUS ISRAEL: Well, thanks for fulfilling our dreams.
NABILA HATEM: You're welcome. Death to the Jews." (Circus Israel talks with 'Dream Arab', circusisrael.blogspot.com, 8/2/08)
Thursday, June 30, 2011
Come Dance With Me
"Peace will only come from negotiations. It will be a negotiated peace. It cannot be imposed from the outside - not by any power and certainly not by one-sided UN resolutions. Peace requires negotiations. It requires mutual compromise. Palestinians compromise; Israel compromises; we both compromise. We're prepared to do so, but to do that, you need a negotiation. But a UN fiat, a UN declaration that is one-sided, would do several things. First it would violate the agreements between the Palestinians and Israel, but it would also harden the Palestinian position, because if the UN General Assembly adopts the Palestinian positions in advance of negotiations, why should they negotiate? So such a resolution, if backed by an overwhelming majority including the leading countries of the world, that could actually push peace back by hardening Palestinian positions, by pushing negotiations further away. So I think anyone who is interested in advancing peace will opt for direct negotiations and will oppose the attempt to impose a peace from the outside." (Benjamin Netanyahu, Joint press conference with PM Berlusconi of Italy, 13/6/11)
"Dominant male white Zionist Entity seeks partner for one-sided conflict resolution. I am powerful and fixated, yet profoundly complex and achingly poetic. You must be servile, desperate and repugnant to everyone. I love long, romantic walks on your land, sipping water from your aquifers, winter rain on a checkpoint, all-night talks about why I won't talk, reviewing combat errors and window-shopping. You adore construction and fruit-picking. Turn-offs - non-Jewish head coverings, non-Jewish falafel and non-Jews. Come, let's make a lasting arrangement with deep tunnels and soaring walls. Explore with me the small and crowded spaces that will be your home. We'll dance madly to Hatikvah as we say farewell! (Dov Weisglass* says, 'No fatties!)" (Circus Israel personals, circusisrael.blogspot.com, 5/3/08)
[* "The idea is to put the Palestinians on a diet but not to make them die of hunger." Senior government adviser Dov Weisglass explaining Israel's stranglehold on Gaza following the election of a Hamas government there in 2006.]
"Dominant male white Zionist Entity seeks partner for one-sided conflict resolution. I am powerful and fixated, yet profoundly complex and achingly poetic. You must be servile, desperate and repugnant to everyone. I love long, romantic walks on your land, sipping water from your aquifers, winter rain on a checkpoint, all-night talks about why I won't talk, reviewing combat errors and window-shopping. You adore construction and fruit-picking. Turn-offs - non-Jewish head coverings, non-Jewish falafel and non-Jews. Come, let's make a lasting arrangement with deep tunnels and soaring walls. Explore with me the small and crowded spaces that will be your home. We'll dance madly to Hatikvah as we say farewell! (Dov Weisglass* says, 'No fatties!)" (Circus Israel personals, circusisrael.blogspot.com, 5/3/08)
[* "The idea is to put the Palestinians on a diet but not to make them die of hunger." Senior government adviser Dov Weisglass explaining Israel's stranglehold on Gaza following the election of a Hamas government there in 2006.]
Thursday, June 23, 2011
Everyone Loves Rowan 2
Following his first appearance as an instant Middle East expert in The Australian, adman Rowan Dean, next pops up in Quadrant with RIP Hamza, a polemic which asks the burning question, In light of the brutal torture and mutilation of 13 year-old Hamza al-Khatib in Syria, is it time to admit that the Arab Spring will never lead to an Arab Summer of Love? (7/6/11).
Summer of Love?
Well, you can blame that on Obama. No sooner did he refer to the Arab Spring and Israel's 1967 borders in his latest speech on the Middle East, than Rowan's fertile imagination went into top gear: "The western world's Summer of Love began on June 1st, 1967 with the release of the Beatles' Sergeant Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band. Switching on their radios from Los Angele to London, millions of excited fans were seduced by the sweet harmonies of the fab four proclaiming: 'With our love, with our love we can save the world'."
Of course, the Beatles started no such thing: "The term 'Summer of Love' originated with the formation of the Council for the Summer of love in the Spring of 1967 as a response to the convergence of young people on the Haight-Ashbury district [of San Francisco]." (Summer of Love, wikipaedia) But what really took place in the West at the time is of little interest to our adman.
No, the point here is to concoct a fictional West, blissed out on peace & love, as a foil to an equally fictional Arab East, focused solely on the destruction of Israel: "June 1st 1967 also saw millions of Arabs from Baghdad to Beirut switching on their radios to hear the mesmerizing incantations of Iraqi president Abdel Rahman Aref proclaiming: 'The existence of Israel is an error which must be rectified. This is our opportunity... to wipe Israel off the map'."
Rowan appears to have cribbed this from the Zionist propaganda site CAMERA, but tweaked the date for Aref's speech, 31 May, to June 1 to coincide with the release of Sergeant Pepper's. But, hey, what's a little fiddle with the facts to one who single-handedly put several London advertising agencies on the map?
Still, you get the picture: while the West was being seduced by the "sweet harmonies" of the "fab four," the Arab East was being hypnotised by the "mesmerizing incantations" of the decidedly unfab Aref.
Having invented his own Summer of Love, Rowan then hypes it as the guiding principle of all post-1967 history, Bush and Blair's little forays into Iraq and Afghanistan notwithstanding: Obama invokes Israel's 1967 borders because he's "a child of the sixties." Vietnam was lost to the commies because "the philosophy of All You Need Is Love spread its tentacles throughout the university campuses of Europe, America and Australia..." And, "[l]ying in a bed with his Japanese girlfriend by his side, a guitar and a bag of acorns, John Lennon redefined a new political strategy. Give Peace A Chance."
But, says Rowan, and here's the rub, Obama's 2011 hit, Give 1967 Borders A Chance, simply doesn't cut the mustard in Israel. Bibi just doesn't dig those "borders of the Summer of Love." In the words of the late Abba Eban, these are 'Auschwitz borders'. But wasn't he the guy who also said: "Propaganda is the art of persuading others of what one does not believe oneself" - which is one hell of a great contextualiser whenever an Israeli politician opens his mouth, no? Anyway, back to Bibi. He's a "pragmatist and soldier who saw his own brother killed in a hostage rescue... He, more than any Israeli Prime Minister since Menachem Begin, does not trust words, only actions."
So here's where Bibi's coming from: "During the lead up to the Six Day War in June '67, the stated goal of numerous Arab nations was the destruction of Israel and the annihilation of the Jewish race. To this day, echoes of that intent remain, lurking in Hamas's charter and much of the poisonous schoolyard propaganda foisted by their rulers onto impressionable young Arab minds. Iranian president Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, putting the finishing touches to his nuclear arsenal, often repeats his desire for Israel to be engulfed in a sea of flames."
I'm sorry, but there's far too much folderol* here to overburden this post with rebuttals, so I'll restrict my commentary to Ahmadinejad's supposed oft-repeated "desire for Israel to be engulfed in a sea of flames." Of consuming interest, of course, but, like the Yeti, I've been able to find neither hide nor hair of the creature.
[*On the hollowness of Arab threats in '67 see my 14/6/11 post Straight for the Jugular. On Israel's supposed vulnerability, propaganda line, and eagerness for a stoush with Nasser, see my 24/9/09 post Koutsoukis Gets Real. Just click on the 1967 tag below. On the Hamas charter see my 30/3/08 post Jerusalem Prize Syndrome.]
What with Syria in murderous convulsions, the Egyptian army throwing its weight around, mayhem in Libya, and the Saudi crackdown at home and in Bahrain, reckons Rowan, "[t]his is hardly the dawning of a Middle Eastern Age of Aquarius."
Maybe, maybe not. We'll just have to wait and see, won't we?
But it's obvious Rowan doesn't really give a rats for the Hamza al-Khatibs of the Arab intifadas. Their heroic struggle to break the shackles imposed on them for decades by authoritarian regimes, many of them US clients, pales into insignificance beside the only issue of consequence in the Middle East today - ensuring Israel's peace of mind: "Only when Israel can escape the ever-present fear and threat of imminent annihilation, with the mental security that gives her the confidence to cede the appropriate territory, will the option of two peaceful states co-existing side by side be feasible."
The confidence to cede the appropriate territory?! Takes your breath away, doesn't it?
Actually, Rowan (or is it now Dr Dean?), has hit on something here. He's spot on in acknowledging that his patient has a serious mental condition, but as usual, his diagnosis is off with the pixies. Israel is no naked, trembling virgin transfixed with fear as the swarthy, hairy, moustache-twirling members of the Arab chapter of the Hell's Angels circle her in drooling anticipation of an imminent collective deflowering. For starters, she's a he. (Trust Rowan to stuff that one up.) And a right piece of work he is too, judging by his case summary, which I just happen to have before me.
The following two extracts from the case summary of Dr Dorit Oz, his treating psychiatist at the Kfar Shaul Mental Health Center in Jerusalem, should set the picture straight.
First his attitude towards the Arab world:
1) "Fear of loss of control torments Israel, and his aggressive behavior provides catharsis. When his feelings of vulnerability become unbearable, he imposes the destruction he fears others would impose on him. Although he characterizes his perceived foes as foolish and weak, he behaves as if they were implacable and more robust than he, lashing out in a manner others call disproportionate. This dynamic only reinforces his construct of a hostile universe in which his aggression is necessary and justified (and, paradoxically, nuanced)." (Israel in nut house, documents reveal, circusisrael.blogspot.com, 8/7/09)
Second (and here it gets kinky) his attitude towards the Palestinians:
2) "Israel's sexuality is ambiguous. Compulsive and earthy virility vies with a stifling, shame-based revulsion towards eroticism. Functionally, he cohabits with the Palestinians, whom he alternately regards as a treacherous but exotic concubine and a sullen, ungrateful wife. He rages that they 'take up all my time' and that his life would be a virtual paradise if they would 'just leave'. Yet his life is organized around controlling and disciplining them, and they provide a ready outlet for his aggression. Quiet interludes make him especially anxious, and he inevitably resumes intimacy through belligerent overtures." (ibid)
Stay tuned for the third fun-filled episode of Everyone Loves Rowan.
Summer of Love?
Well, you can blame that on Obama. No sooner did he refer to the Arab Spring and Israel's 1967 borders in his latest speech on the Middle East, than Rowan's fertile imagination went into top gear: "The western world's Summer of Love began on June 1st, 1967 with the release of the Beatles' Sergeant Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band. Switching on their radios from Los Angele to London, millions of excited fans were seduced by the sweet harmonies of the fab four proclaiming: 'With our love, with our love we can save the world'."
Of course, the Beatles started no such thing: "The term 'Summer of Love' originated with the formation of the Council for the Summer of love in the Spring of 1967 as a response to the convergence of young people on the Haight-Ashbury district [of San Francisco]." (Summer of Love, wikipaedia) But what really took place in the West at the time is of little interest to our adman.
No, the point here is to concoct a fictional West, blissed out on peace & love, as a foil to an equally fictional Arab East, focused solely on the destruction of Israel: "June 1st 1967 also saw millions of Arabs from Baghdad to Beirut switching on their radios to hear the mesmerizing incantations of Iraqi president Abdel Rahman Aref proclaiming: 'The existence of Israel is an error which must be rectified. This is our opportunity... to wipe Israel off the map'."
Rowan appears to have cribbed this from the Zionist propaganda site CAMERA, but tweaked the date for Aref's speech, 31 May, to June 1 to coincide with the release of Sergeant Pepper's. But, hey, what's a little fiddle with the facts to one who single-handedly put several London advertising agencies on the map?
Still, you get the picture: while the West was being seduced by the "sweet harmonies" of the "fab four," the Arab East was being hypnotised by the "mesmerizing incantations" of the decidedly unfab Aref.
Having invented his own Summer of Love, Rowan then hypes it as the guiding principle of all post-1967 history, Bush and Blair's little forays into Iraq and Afghanistan notwithstanding: Obama invokes Israel's 1967 borders because he's "a child of the sixties." Vietnam was lost to the commies because "the philosophy of All You Need Is Love spread its tentacles throughout the university campuses of Europe, America and Australia..." And, "[l]ying in a bed with his Japanese girlfriend by his side, a guitar and a bag of acorns, John Lennon redefined a new political strategy. Give Peace A Chance."
But, says Rowan, and here's the rub, Obama's 2011 hit, Give 1967 Borders A Chance, simply doesn't cut the mustard in Israel. Bibi just doesn't dig those "borders of the Summer of Love." In the words of the late Abba Eban, these are 'Auschwitz borders'. But wasn't he the guy who also said: "Propaganda is the art of persuading others of what one does not believe oneself" - which is one hell of a great contextualiser whenever an Israeli politician opens his mouth, no? Anyway, back to Bibi. He's a "pragmatist and soldier who saw his own brother killed in a hostage rescue... He, more than any Israeli Prime Minister since Menachem Begin, does not trust words, only actions."
So here's where Bibi's coming from: "During the lead up to the Six Day War in June '67, the stated goal of numerous Arab nations was the destruction of Israel and the annihilation of the Jewish race. To this day, echoes of that intent remain, lurking in Hamas's charter and much of the poisonous schoolyard propaganda foisted by their rulers onto impressionable young Arab minds. Iranian president Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, putting the finishing touches to his nuclear arsenal, often repeats his desire for Israel to be engulfed in a sea of flames."
I'm sorry, but there's far too much folderol* here to overburden this post with rebuttals, so I'll restrict my commentary to Ahmadinejad's supposed oft-repeated "desire for Israel to be engulfed in a sea of flames." Of consuming interest, of course, but, like the Yeti, I've been able to find neither hide nor hair of the creature.
[*On the hollowness of Arab threats in '67 see my 14/6/11 post Straight for the Jugular. On Israel's supposed vulnerability, propaganda line, and eagerness for a stoush with Nasser, see my 24/9/09 post Koutsoukis Gets Real. Just click on the 1967 tag below. On the Hamas charter see my 30/3/08 post Jerusalem Prize Syndrome.]
What with Syria in murderous convulsions, the Egyptian army throwing its weight around, mayhem in Libya, and the Saudi crackdown at home and in Bahrain, reckons Rowan, "[t]his is hardly the dawning of a Middle Eastern Age of Aquarius."
Maybe, maybe not. We'll just have to wait and see, won't we?
But it's obvious Rowan doesn't really give a rats for the Hamza al-Khatibs of the Arab intifadas. Their heroic struggle to break the shackles imposed on them for decades by authoritarian regimes, many of them US clients, pales into insignificance beside the only issue of consequence in the Middle East today - ensuring Israel's peace of mind: "Only when Israel can escape the ever-present fear and threat of imminent annihilation, with the mental security that gives her the confidence to cede the appropriate territory, will the option of two peaceful states co-existing side by side be feasible."
The confidence to cede the appropriate territory?! Takes your breath away, doesn't it?
Actually, Rowan (or is it now Dr Dean?), has hit on something here. He's spot on in acknowledging that his patient has a serious mental condition, but as usual, his diagnosis is off with the pixies. Israel is no naked, trembling virgin transfixed with fear as the swarthy, hairy, moustache-twirling members of the Arab chapter of the Hell's Angels circle her in drooling anticipation of an imminent collective deflowering. For starters, she's a he. (Trust Rowan to stuff that one up.) And a right piece of work he is too, judging by his case summary, which I just happen to have before me.
The following two extracts from the case summary of Dr Dorit Oz, his treating psychiatist at the Kfar Shaul Mental Health Center in Jerusalem, should set the picture straight.
First his attitude towards the Arab world:
1) "Fear of loss of control torments Israel, and his aggressive behavior provides catharsis. When his feelings of vulnerability become unbearable, he imposes the destruction he fears others would impose on him. Although he characterizes his perceived foes as foolish and weak, he behaves as if they were implacable and more robust than he, lashing out in a manner others call disproportionate. This dynamic only reinforces his construct of a hostile universe in which his aggression is necessary and justified (and, paradoxically, nuanced)." (Israel in nut house, documents reveal, circusisrael.blogspot.com, 8/7/09)
Second (and here it gets kinky) his attitude towards the Palestinians:
2) "Israel's sexuality is ambiguous. Compulsive and earthy virility vies with a stifling, shame-based revulsion towards eroticism. Functionally, he cohabits with the Palestinians, whom he alternately regards as a treacherous but exotic concubine and a sullen, ungrateful wife. He rages that they 'take up all my time' and that his life would be a virtual paradise if they would 'just leave'. Yet his life is organized around controlling and disciplining them, and they provide a ready outlet for his aggression. Quiet interludes make him especially anxious, and he inevitably resumes intimacy through belligerent overtures." (ibid)
Stay tuned for the third fun-filled episode of Everyone Loves Rowan.
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
The Art of False Negotiations
Another timely Circus Israel classic on the peace process that passeth all understanding (circusisrael.blogspot.com, 21/3/08):
Circus Israel's revered national game, faux negotiations with the Palestinians, is on again - and as fresh as ever. We talk and we take, while the clock ticks away. And when the sun goes down, Circus Israel's a little larger and Mohammed's a little more exhausted.
But is it as easy as it looks? We spoke with Circus Israel's current ringmaster and head bullshit artist, Ehud Olmert. Here's how he plays the game...
EO: Listen, Abbas knows my end game. More land, fewer Arabs. That's it. But we meet anyway, for Condoleezza Brown Rice and the European Union. We talk. I kill time. We talk. I kill more time. Anything I can do to stall. I stall like a yeshiva boy outside the girls' toilet. If I didn't have some fun with it, I'd go crazy. I floss my teeth, I start sobbing, I laugh like a monkey, I text Livni with raunchy jokes. I make us exercise, half an hour, as much as they'll take. I told Erekat, 'You're so fat, Saeb. Sweat, goddam you!' Oy, the things that pop out of my mouth. 'Mahmoud, let's give each other a massage'. 'Hey, who's this Guitar Hero I keep hearing about?' But seriously, when I just can't take any more, I run some jeeps into Tulkarm for a shoot-up and the Pals go pout for a few days. Look, it is what it is. They can't take a hint, so we do what we have to. It makes the time pass.
Circus Israel: Aren't you concerned they'll call your bluff and agree to your terms?
EO: My terms? My terms are bubbles. You can hardly see them - then poof.
CI: But seriously -
EO: Listen, this'll never end. Even if they agreed to leave, who says they'd stay away?
CI: What about Sderot and Ashkelon? If this conflict never ends...
EO: Sderot and Ashkelon are waging the eternal struggle of the Jewish People by making our enemies look bad. We all have to sacrifice. I have to get a sore tuchus listening to Ahmed Qureia. Hey, how about a massage?
Circus Israel's revered national game, faux negotiations with the Palestinians, is on again - and as fresh as ever. We talk and we take, while the clock ticks away. And when the sun goes down, Circus Israel's a little larger and Mohammed's a little more exhausted.
But is it as easy as it looks? We spoke with Circus Israel's current ringmaster and head bullshit artist, Ehud Olmert. Here's how he plays the game...
EO: Listen, Abbas knows my end game. More land, fewer Arabs. That's it. But we meet anyway, for Condoleezza Brown Rice and the European Union. We talk. I kill time. We talk. I kill more time. Anything I can do to stall. I stall like a yeshiva boy outside the girls' toilet. If I didn't have some fun with it, I'd go crazy. I floss my teeth, I start sobbing, I laugh like a monkey, I text Livni with raunchy jokes. I make us exercise, half an hour, as much as they'll take. I told Erekat, 'You're so fat, Saeb. Sweat, goddam you!' Oy, the things that pop out of my mouth. 'Mahmoud, let's give each other a massage'. 'Hey, who's this Guitar Hero I keep hearing about?' But seriously, when I just can't take any more, I run some jeeps into Tulkarm for a shoot-up and the Pals go pout for a few days. Look, it is what it is. They can't take a hint, so we do what we have to. It makes the time pass.
Circus Israel: Aren't you concerned they'll call your bluff and agree to your terms?
EO: My terms? My terms are bubbles. You can hardly see them - then poof.
CI: But seriously -
EO: Listen, this'll never end. Even if they agreed to leave, who says they'd stay away?
CI: What about Sderot and Ashkelon? If this conflict never ends...
EO: Sderot and Ashkelon are waging the eternal struggle of the Jewish People by making our enemies look bad. We all have to sacrifice. I have to get a sore tuchus listening to Ahmed Qureia. Hey, how about a massage?
Saturday, October 23, 2010
Talk & Take
All you need to know about the Israeli approach to negotiations - a Circus Israel classic:
Israel to Defend Copyright on Bullshit Negotiations
"PM Binyamin Netanyahu declared today that Israel will take Iran to court. Almost immediately after the Iranian regime recently agreed to discussions and inspections for its nuclear enrichment program, Israel's leaders began threatening to enforce the Jewish State's ownership rights over the combination of phony, time-consuming negotiations and irreversible facts on the ground. But Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad has ignored Israel's demands and persisted with conciliatory gestures toward the '5+1 Group' and the International Atomic Energy Agency. By this morning, Israel's cabinet had lost patience. It instructed government attorneys to take action against Iran's flagrant infringement of Israel's internationally recognized copyright. We wrote the book on 'Talk & Take', said Israel's insufferable Vice Prime Minister, Silvan Shalom. We put decades of R&D into this. The right balance of talking peace and absorbing what we want, the way we time and exaggerate our overtures and spin our expansions, one temporary step forward and ten permanent steps back. This's our work product. It belongs to the Jewish people.
"Israeli officials are particularly upset that Ahmadinejad believes himself capable of managing a sophisticated 'Talk & Take' program. That provincial fruitcake in a cheap windbreaker thinks he can play our game? asked Moshe 'Bogie' Ya'alon, Israel's other - and equally unnecessary - Vice Prime Minister. When I see him making those monkey smiles and going all nicey-nice, it just makes my blood boil. Cut the crap and act like the psycho you really are. Wait'll our lawyers get done with him.
"In fact, Israel's lawyers are already drafting formal petitions to the International Court of Justice (ICJ) and the International Criminal Court (ICC). But Israel has had its difficulties with both. It blasted the ICJ for a 2004 advisory opinion condemning Israel's West Bank separation barrier, and it repudiated the ICC's jurisdiction in 2002. So what? snapped vital Minister Without Portfolio Benny Begin. Now we want something.
"But let's be clear that these allegations can't be turned against us, cautioned smarmy President Shimon Peres. When you begin discussing insincere negotiations in the context of nuclear ambiguity, the State of Israel must not be put on the defensive.
"Disintegrating Israeli historian Benny Morris predicts swift victory for Israel in the international tribunals. From the inception of the movement toward a Jewish state, he said, Zionist leaders have consistently refreshed their ownership of faux flexibility coupled with implacable territorial usurpation. No Israeli leader can allow dilution of our rights, Morris said. Ben-Gurion would turn over in his grave. Arik Sharon would - wait, is he dead yet or what? (circusisrael.blogspot.com, 11/10/09)
Israel to Defend Copyright on Bullshit Negotiations
"PM Binyamin Netanyahu declared today that Israel will take Iran to court. Almost immediately after the Iranian regime recently agreed to discussions and inspections for its nuclear enrichment program, Israel's leaders began threatening to enforce the Jewish State's ownership rights over the combination of phony, time-consuming negotiations and irreversible facts on the ground. But Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad has ignored Israel's demands and persisted with conciliatory gestures toward the '5+1 Group' and the International Atomic Energy Agency. By this morning, Israel's cabinet had lost patience. It instructed government attorneys to take action against Iran's flagrant infringement of Israel's internationally recognized copyright. We wrote the book on 'Talk & Take', said Israel's insufferable Vice Prime Minister, Silvan Shalom. We put decades of R&D into this. The right balance of talking peace and absorbing what we want, the way we time and exaggerate our overtures and spin our expansions, one temporary step forward and ten permanent steps back. This's our work product. It belongs to the Jewish people.
"Israeli officials are particularly upset that Ahmadinejad believes himself capable of managing a sophisticated 'Talk & Take' program. That provincial fruitcake in a cheap windbreaker thinks he can play our game? asked Moshe 'Bogie' Ya'alon, Israel's other - and equally unnecessary - Vice Prime Minister. When I see him making those monkey smiles and going all nicey-nice, it just makes my blood boil. Cut the crap and act like the psycho you really are. Wait'll our lawyers get done with him.
"In fact, Israel's lawyers are already drafting formal petitions to the International Court of Justice (ICJ) and the International Criminal Court (ICC). But Israel has had its difficulties with both. It blasted the ICJ for a 2004 advisory opinion condemning Israel's West Bank separation barrier, and it repudiated the ICC's jurisdiction in 2002. So what? snapped vital Minister Without Portfolio Benny Begin. Now we want something.
"But let's be clear that these allegations can't be turned against us, cautioned smarmy President Shimon Peres. When you begin discussing insincere negotiations in the context of nuclear ambiguity, the State of Israel must not be put on the defensive.
"Disintegrating Israeli historian Benny Morris predicts swift victory for Israel in the international tribunals. From the inception of the movement toward a Jewish state, he said, Zionist leaders have consistently refreshed their ownership of faux flexibility coupled with implacable territorial usurpation. No Israeli leader can allow dilution of our rights, Morris said. Ben-Gurion would turn over in his grave. Arik Sharon would - wait, is he dead yet or what? (circusisrael.blogspot.com, 11/10/09)
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